6 months away.

I was just sitting at my desk today.  Minding my own business.  Checking my email.  You know, the ush.  That's when I realized I had an email from my advisor asking me to schedule an apt to meet with her tomorrow to schedule my last semester of grad school. Oh.My.Lord. 

It hit me.  In less than 6 months I will have my master's degree.  WHAT THEN???  Is it normal to not know what I want to do with my life.  I have all these degrees and no clue what I need to do with them.  Or what I want to do with them. OR EVEN if I want to use them at all. 

Some people come out of the womb knowing what they want to do with their life.  They have always known their passions.  I don't.  At all.  I could be happy doing so many things.  As long as i'm not cooped up in an office.  As long as I'm around people.  And as long as what i'm doing is making some sort of difference.  I feel like I can be happy.  BUT WHAT???!!!!!!!!! The scary thing is, when I graduate, my job ends.  I work at my institution as a graduate assistant.  So come May, i'm jobless.  Gah.

I try not to stress, but when I have moments of realization that my life and all I have known (school) is about to come to an end...I panic.  Like get sick feeling panic.  I.DON'T.LIKE.THIS.

I can't figure out what to do.  I pray.  I pray.  Oh and then I pray some more.  My typical conversations with God go something like this "Hey, God, you think this would be a good career choice?  I doubt it seeing I didn't get that job that I wanted.  What do you think?" *crickets* "Hey, um, I was just wondering what I should be doing to prepare for what you want for my life?" *crickets* "Hey, God..it's me again..umm....some guidance would be nice.  I'm just kinda....having no clue...what to do" *silence*

So basically what I'm saying is this.  THERE HAS TO BE A REASON THAT I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN' CLUE what to do after graduation.  God has a plan for my life.  All I can figure out is that He is waiting to reveal that plan. 

Trust is a hard thing, but Lord...it's yours.