2fivefive

resisting tempation.

2012-01-25T08:48:00.000-08:00

It's so rainy and gross here today. I'm dreaming of an upcoming spring break trip to the Bahamas I will be taking with my best friends. Only 2 short months....but today I would even settle for being at home curled up in bed with a good book...but alas..I'm at work.

Speaking of good books.... I am a reading fanatic. In my perfect world I would read books all day...and write. I'm a lover of YA lit and everything it entails and for years now I've been hearing people rave about The Hunger Games. After reading the synopsis I was sure I would NOT enjoy it. But it is literally one of the best books I've ever read...go...read it...do it now!!!!

Lately I've been thinking about my relationship with food...and also it's made me think about my relationship with God. I know that is weird to some. But I honestly think, for me, there could be a direct correlation between my temptation to eat unhealthy food and my temptation for fleshly things that could hinder my relationship with Christ.

I think will power is one of the greatest gifts to possess. To be able to turn a way from whatever temptation, that is NOT good for one, is incredibly important to be able to do. Truth is...we are all different and we all battle with different circumstances. My battles are mine and your battles are yours. But as I read the word and the ways in which Christians are to resist temptation I can't help but to think about applying this to my relationship with food.

1.) Being realistic about temptation and run away from it-It's important to know when and where we are commonly tempted. For instance, if you battle with alcohol addiction...it's probably safe to say you should be up in a club or bar partying it up. Keep yourself safe...that means staying away from the things that tempt you. When we are tempted we are enticed by our own need for fleshly desires. How I can apply this to food: not allowing myself to go out to eat everyday...not having unhealthy food in the house etc. Just stay away from it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

2.) Resisting temptation using the Word of God- God calls us to take care of our temple! REALLY take care of it. For me personally that means that being the 255 pound previous Ashley is NO longer an option. That was not me taking care of myself. That was me bringing on a great deal of unwanted health problems and securing an early grave for myself. I didn't just lose weight to look hot in my new size 4 jeans...that is a nice benefit, BUT it's way more important to be healthy. I have not done well at remembering this throughout my weight loss journey. At times the process was slow and just plan DIFFICULT, but day by day I was making my temple healthier and taking care of it. Everyday though, I will need to continue to resist and make sure I do the best for me and my temple. How can I apply this to food: easy...resisting that temptation and how can I do that? Hebrews 4:12 --Keeping Gods word active inside me and constantly pursuing what's right.

3.) Refocusing with Praise- How often do you end up giving into temptation when your mind is fully on the Lord? For me it's so much easier to resist any form of temptation when I'm focusing on what matters...and that is God and his word. How can I apply this to food: Whenever that sweet tooth craving hits me...I'll grab my bible and feed my craving through the word. Psalm 147

4.)Repenting and moving on- How many times as a christian do I beat myself up when I screw up. When I have a crappy attitude or i'm less than kind to someone. Quite often. I think the important thing is realizing tendencies, repenting, and then not wallowing in the misery of one's mistake. God doesn't call us to remind ourselves of our flaws. Remember...he casts our sins as far as the east is to the west. How can I apply this to food: Bottom line is this...I will mess up. I'm not perfect, i'm human. So I skip the gym one day or I eat too much of whatever....all I can do is try to better next time. I've done this many times throughout my journey and I end up spending the day completely ticked off and mad at myself for giving in to the food temptation....from now on...I'll resist...if I mess up...I will DO better next time and I refuse to beat myself up for weeks on end about one food mistake.

Anywho, I know this is long, but it's something that has been on my heart lately. I hope everyone is having a fabulous week!!!

ohhh Monday.

2012-01-23T13:04:00.000-08:00

Oh...today started out as a typical Monday. Alarm set for 530....alarm volume turned ...down...BLAH! Needless to say I was shocked to feel so well rested and to hit the gym...I was even more shocked to realize it was almost 9 am when I woke up.

Because of my INCREDIBLY late start to the day i didn't get to go to the gym. I hate missing. It throws me off.

Anyways, recap of the weekend through iphone pics.

Friday night dinner and movie night with my best friend. We ate Italian food and watched The Help which I loved.

Saturday I hung out with my niece all day and we read Dora books, she then helped me do my hair and my makeup for my date night with C. She's a pistol. I asked her if I could go on her dates with her when she was older...she screamed "NO!" and said she would never speak to me again if showed up on her future date with Justin Beiber.

Then my fiance came to pick me up for our date. FLOWERS in hand. Gah I love this boy.

We went to dinner and a movie:)


And this...this was my Monday...and consequently what we do at work for fun. Typical.					!!!


Last week I entrusted my hair to a friend of mine who is in cosmetology school. She coaxed me into letting her color my hair a new style called ombre. Dark and fade to light...I love it! This was the result...and yeah...apparently 1000 pics of myself was necessary. Don't act like you don't do it.

HAPPY MONDAY!

bridesmaids.

2012-01-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today is day 6 of the whole "getting serious" thing and it's crazy how quickly turning my habits around impacts the way I feel. I already feel so much better being back on track. I love it and it makes me realize how important this daily being healthy thing is. The best news though....I've been at 142 since October...TODAY I BROKE THAT NUMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Hallelujah!!!

At the beginning of the year I started officially "planning our wedding." Within just a few weeks we had picked a venue...which is so amazing it deserves a whole blog(coming soon) and then I FINALLY asked my best friends to be part of my big day.

I wanted to do something special for them all because they mean THE WORLD to me...literally. It's hard to find *good friends* and I've been lucky enough to find 6 close friends! The best thing about the girls I asked to part of my day is this....they are all SO very different. Some are loud and crazy, others are reserved, but once we are all together it's a blast.

I got each bridesmaid a card and a picture frame containing a picture of us, and we spent the evening eating pizza and cupcakes, playing bored games, and singing! It was a crazy fun night and I love each of my friends.

My Maid of Honor *Natalie* is someone I've known my entire life. She was 5 years ahead of me in school though so we never ran into each other much. Her parents were teachers at my school so through them I basically just knew of her. She graduated high school with my older brother and we even attended church together for years, but really just...never talked. My freshmen year of college though we had a mutual friend and through that we ended up having dinner together and eventually she became the best friend I've ever had. She is literally the epitome of selfless. She is always the first person I go to when I need prayer or a Godly ear listening to me...but she's not afraid to tell me what's up. She is the kind of person you hope you can emulate in one way or another because she is the definition of a Godly woman. I was truly blessed when the Lord brought us together.

My Matron of Honor *Heather* is actually my cousin. We also have known each other our whole lives. However, our families were not close, so by default we just never really spoke much. We also went to school together, but she too was a few years older so we never really talked or ran into one another. The year after I graduated high school I got my first big girl job and when I went in the first day for training...she was the one training me. So through work we began a friendship that I truly cherish. She is the only person in the WORLD that I know that says EXACTLY what is on her mind. She has NO filter and will tell anyone how it is. She doesn't hold back and she truly marches to the beat of her own drum. She makes me laugh so hard and I love that when everyone else worries so much about what everyone thinks...she is just her own crazy, free-spirited, 'like me if you want', girl. One of the most amazing things about this girl though? We will be in the middle of vacation and she will ask me to please excuse her for a while and I will hear her praying and talking to the Lord. She inspires me in many ways and I love that she loves the Lord.

One of my bridesmaid *CJ* is my college roommate and the funniest person I know. She is CRAZY and witty and clever and HILARIOUS. She gets me in this way that no one in the entire world does. She is my soul sister. We have had so many crazy, insane, hysterical adventures, but we have also had our crazy, insane, hysterical fights that any roommates and sisters have. She means the world to me though. My favorite thing about this girl is...I can tell her anything. She doesn't judge, she just 'gets it.' She is the friend who has seen me at my absolute worst..and still loved me. She's the person that is up for any adventure at ANY time. We have had our crazy times together and moments I am NOT proud of, but I wouldn't want those moments with anyone else. I will always love her and I'm glad that everything aside...she will be there on my day.

About 6 months ago I got a call from another one of my bridesmaids *Brittani* and she told me the best news ...SHE'S GETTING MARRIED and she wants me to be her MAID OF HONOR. I was so honored and happy. She and I go WAYYYY BACK...all the way to the 2nd grade. I was the school ambassador and she was the new girl. From the very first day that I 'showed her around school' we were inseparable. Growing up there were moments when family situations would occur and brit would actually live with me. We were sisters. We cheered together, we lived together, we had class together. And like typical girls that spent too much time together..we fought. The longest we went without talking was about 2 days. Life has taken us in crazy different directions. I entered college right after high school and Brit prepared to welcome her beautiful baby boy into the world. Through all the crazy life changes and the very different life we lead....she always remained my best friend. Months would go by when we wouldn't speak because of our busy crazy lives..then one of us would pick up the phone and call the other and it was like NO time had passed at all. To me that symbolizes true friendship....no distance, circumstance, or time can stop it. This July I will fly to Florida and stand next to this girl in her beautiful beach wedding...and then 3 short months later she will stand with me in mine.

3 or 4 years ago a new girl came to work. Her name was *Kacie* and initially, I did not talk to her much. She seemed very sweet, but I was VERY leery as she was friends, or so I thought, with a girl that I did not trust or have a very good relationship with. As time passed I found out I was mistaken and so we started talking and hanging out a bit. Then last summer we ended up taking an amazing trip to Mexico and I had the BEST TIME. As time passed and I began my weight loss journey, many of my friends were not supportive, did not want to hear about it, and quite frequently I felt alone. Kacie was ALWAYS there supporting me, listening to me gripe about life or whatever was going on, and celebrating all the goodness also with a smile on her face and being genuinely happy for me. I think that is a trait many people do not have the capacity of possessing. I admire Kacie so much for that. She loves the Lord and I find that she has an amazing heart of someone that is GENUINELY fun to be around by their infectious spirit. When I asked Kacie to be part of my day she seemed SHOCKED but happy. I realized I had made the right decision because she has no sense of entitlement. She would be just as happy to be sitting and watching than being part of. I thought of trying on dresses, picking out stuff for weddings, and all the other details that will go into it...and then I instantly thought...I want Kacie's never failing support and encouragement so I am totally excited she will stand next to me on October 20th.

When I was in college I majored in English and my last few years of college all of my classes were typically in the same building because they were all in the English, Creative Writing, ESL department. Everyday I would sit with friends in the Lobby and study for quizzes, eat lunch, or do last minute assignments. That building will ALWAYS have this precious place in my heart...which I know sounds weird...but I have this sense of nostalgia every time I see it or even think of it now. I didn't know this at the time, but those were some of the BEST memories being in there....sitting in the lobby on comfy chairs, eagerly waiting crazy finals, or anxiously waiting to get the grade back on that 'big paper.' One day I was sitting in that lobby and it was odd, but none of my friends had made it in yet. I was going over notes for a quiz that I was about to fail when a girl approached me and just began talking like she had ALWAYS known me. That girls name is *Kayla* and come to find out she was actually in that very large survey of American Literature before 1800's class I had and was preparing for. I had skipped the reading assignment the night before and thank the Lord she was friendly and intelligent because she singlehandedly helped me pass that quiz that day by giving me a few tips. Fast forward throughout my last years of college and we had many classes together. Kayla was heaven sent in my opinion. I met her about the time C got a job and moved 3 hours away. I was living with a roommate that I did NOT get along with and I felt more alone than ever. I can't even count the nights we ordered pizza, rented movies, and laid in pajamas talking for hours. I went through so much in my life during that period and she was always there cheering me along and wanting the best for me. I graduated college before her and moved on, but we stayed in contact and made sure we still had frequent girls nights. She recently graduated though and moved back to her home town which saddens me, but I know what kind of friendship I have with this girl...and distance won't kill that. She traveled the 3 hours to meet all of my other bridesmaids and we spent the afternoon talking...and after everyone left we laid across my bed for hours talking about life, boys, the future, and it hit me how nothing had changed after all that time. I love her so much and once again...so grateful that God has placed her in my life.

I know this post is incredibly long. If you made it through....bravo! It's one of those things that won't mean much to anyone...but me, but I wanted to write all this down to look back at one day. The Lord has blessed me so much and I'm so excited to spend the next 9 months with these ladies as we prepare for my wedding.

time to get serious

2012-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

Gah, if you read my blog regularly you will find the following blog very familiar.

I started this blog as a way to hold myself accountable for my eating, losing weight, and overall pursuing a healthier lifestyle. In October of 2010 I made the decision to change my 255 body forever and in turn to really change my entire life. 113 pounds and 11 months later I felt WONDERFUL.

But slowly...I have become very unmotivated. A year ago I NEVER would have missed a day in the gym....but over the last few months...I have missed several. For me that's a BIG DEAL. This week I missed 3 days. I have felt horrible, unmotivated, and basically been eating whatever I want. By that I don't mean I'm binging on hamburgers and ice cream. I eat my healthy food....but...WAY MORE OF IT. I eat out with friends almost every day. I'm.just.unmotivated.

This is scary for a few reasons. I've lost weight before and gained it back because I became complacent and "happy enough" with my body. I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN. Being unmotivated freaks me out because I CANNOT go back to 255.

I think another reason for my lack of motivation is because I'm not gaining weight. I'm the exact same weight and while that is a good thing...it has made me feel like "well why not eat what I want since im not gaining weight!" Stupid reasoning because I end up OVEReating and then feeling bloated, gross, and miserable. When I eat like that I don't want to go run, workout, or do anything really.

Being off work and out of school for a whole month of vacation has allowed me to get out of my routine and make excuses for myself.

I'm tired of that though. I have so much HAPPY and EXCITING things going on in my life that I refuse to let this conquer me and hold me back. It's time to TRULY get back on track. *NO MORE EXCUSES*

My goal is 135...and I've been saying for MONTHS now that it's time to get there...this time..i mean it. It's time to quit allowing myself to say "oh well i'm not gaining weight so it's okay if i eat this or that" or..."I don't see my body changing as much, so why even go to the gym" etc.

So, I want to put some progress pics up tomorrow and use those as a basis to lose these next 7-10 pounds.

I def want to be at my goal weight before I start wedding dress shopping...and that goal is 135...it's time to do this.

happy 2012.

2012-01-01T15:56:00.000-08:00

What a great year 2011 was.

My best 11 moments

11.) Going to Mexico with friends.
10.) Numerous beach trips with my love and family.
9.) Learning what it truly meant to be healthy.
8.) Not only hitting 100 pound weight loss...but 113 pounds.
7.) Maintaining a 4.0 in grad school.
6.) Hiking mountains I never thought I could.
5.) Conquering my first panel interview and presentation in front of a room full of people. It was scurrryyy.
4.) Roadtripping to Dallas with a friend, having a pizza man steal our money, and my car breaking down! woo. Crazy funny memories were made out of our misfortune.
3.) Crazy summer with friends.
2.) Running a 5K.
1.) Getting engaged.

I had a great year to say the least. However, I have things I hope to do better on in the new year. Insecurity. Caring too much about stuff that honestly doesn't matter. My relationship with God.

Last year my resolution was to travel and I certainly did that. This year? Really the same things. Push myself harder in every aspect of my life...working out, eating better and losing my last 10 pounds, being a better fiance, friend, daughter, sister etc. Travel.

I hope you all have had a great NYE and are enjoying the day of the new year.

boobs, weightloss, Christmas, and pictures

2011-12-30T19:29:00.000-08:00

This post is going to be random...but then again..most of my posts are.

I've been so busy lately...yet not. I don't really know what i've spent my off time doing, but I am enjoying it.

I had a good Christmas. It's different these days. I find myself missing the youthful excitement Christmas used to bring. I guess it would be different when I have kids. Or maybe it's the fact that my family celebrated a day early this year...but it was just different.

On Christmas morning I woke up early and headed over to C's apartment for us to do our Christmas together. I walked in to beautiful Christmas flowers. He does this every year, but I always forget that he does...so it's like double the surprise. He had blankets laid out on the floor and we cooked breakfast together and drank almond milk out of champagne glasses(true story, we are totally fancy like that)...it was really fun. It's my last Christmas...as a single girl. Next year I will be FRIGGIN' MARRIED. O.M.GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

Anyways, I was actually pretty relieved when Christmas was over. I felt so off track on my eating. Not only that, but because I was consuming stuff I was not use to it made me feel like crap and made my workouts even CRAPPIER. So, Monday I hit the gym HARD and started back up with my trainer. I.am.so.glad. I love the feeling of my body when I am eating RIGHT and working out RIGHT...there's nothing like it. I have 10 months(before the wedding) to get to my goal weight...which is 135. I'm so ready to do it.

Now....i'm gonna give you all TMI here. And I apologize for that...but I need some input from some of you who can *maybe possibly* relate. Losing weight is amazing. Over the last year i've dropped 113 pounds. Luckily I have a relatively small amount of lose skin...minus some on my legs which honestly I don't care all that much about. HOWEVER, my boobs...I don't know what happened. It's like ...they are non existent..and what is there...well guys it's just not pretty. The weightloss has really reeked havoc on this and made me so insecure. I'm all about loving YOUR body and doing what is healthy and RIGHT and all that good stuff. I don't feel pressured BY ANY MEANS to have a perfect body. I just love being healthy! BUTTT, after much deliberation..i'm seriously considering getting a boob job. Every girl wants to feel good in their skin...and i do ....minus that. I know many people are against this kind of thing...and I'm open to all input. SERIOUSLY. Have any of you had one? Would you recommend? Thoughts? No? Am i nuts? Regardless I have a consultation on the 9th. I am eager to see what the Dr says/thinks.

I've been putting off even thinking about wedding stuff until the first of the year...BUT it's time. I'm 10 months away...UNREAL. First things first...picking my bridesmaids. Which I have DONE! I'm so excited to get all of them together and ask them! I have put a lot of thought into this...I want it to be special because these girls mean a LOT to me. I can't wait to share what goes down, but do not want to go into too much detail yet:)

One of my best friends got me these wedding books for Christmas. My first ones:)

I made this quilt (along with my 4 year old niece) for my grandmother for Christmas. WE did it in like 4 hours. It was my first quilt ever.

I couldn't not post about Christmas without including a picture of our tree again. I just *love* my mom's tree. It gets better every year.

My new kindle fire. I was all kids of excited about this thing.

Christmas morning.

Christmas eve with my beyond precious grandmother. I bought her toms for Christmas. She flipped out...she loved them.

and this my friends...is us. It def should have been our Christmas card photo.

Christmas flowers.

Pre-Christmas sushi date.

I bought this for my future house. Love ittttttttt. I love owls.


Current weight. I managed to get through Thanksgiving, Christmas, and almost to New Years without gaining a pound. I also did not lose anything either. I'll take that victory though.

I'm ready to catch up on all of your blogs.

Happy Friday!

MIA.

2011-12-21T07:56:00.001-08:00

I've been a bad blogger lately! I thought for sure once school got out and I had all this free time I'd be blogging my little heart out! Unfortunately I've been using that time for basically laying in bed catching up on tv shows! Truth!

I finished the semester off with 3 A's

It was a rough semester and I'm so happy and proud of those grades! 4.0 in grad school, I can deal!! One semester left!

My workout lately...they have been a little blah! I know why and I'm working hard to fix it! I'm just praying I can keep maintaining till jan when I start a new plan with my trainer!

So other than that not much has been new! Shopping for Christmas,shopping for a new car(which is sad bc my faithful jeep has been with me through college), and reading some books, and basically just relaxing!

I hope you guys are all enjoying your holidays!

Happy Wednesday!

finals week.

2011-12-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

It's the worst day of the year. It's a Monday+it's the Monday that finals start. My finals stretch all the way until Saturday at 12 pm. That's right...I managed to have a 4 hour final on Saturday morning. A legal final....that is worth 200 points...comprehensive. BLAHHHHHHHHHHH. Prayers this week will be very welcomed.

I'm so ready for a break. This is my last week of school and work for a whole month woo hoo

I went to a Pilates class on Friday plus my normal workout afterwards. It was seriously such a NICE change up. I loved waking up Saturday morning and being so sore. I LOVE THAT FEELING.

So to be a little bit truthful...i've been struggling with my diet lately BIG TIME. By diet I mean just eating healthy. I do amazing all week then the weekends roll around and I turn into something who apparently hasn't ate in 20 1/2 years. It's bad. Then by Sunday night I'm bloated, disgusted, and beating myself up. Just to wake up and do it all again the next week/weekend.

I.must.stop.the.cycle. Seriously. I feel like utter crap when I do this. I think it mainly is stemming from the fact I am so bored with food. You can only eat the same stuff for so long. It's def not an excuse though..i need to get some healthy cook books or look some stuff up online to beat this. I'm in control..and I've been doing a really crappy job at it.

I'm sticking at a pretty consistent weight. Somehow. If you guys could only see the stuff i've been eating you would be shocked by this. I talked to my trainer last week and we agreed that at the beginning of January I will start training again with them...all the way 'till our wedding in October.

We set a date. October 20, 2012. :) I want to be in the best shape of my life by then..so this binge eating crap...I gotta stop it.

Anyways, in all the randomness of this post and in my avoidance of pending papers and studying...I've found my weekly obsessions...

If heaven were a boot...it would be these rain boots. I actually hate rain boots, but in the 6 degree weather and pouring down rain today..I found myself googling rainboots.


Love this. Unfortunately I find it ridiculous to pay 200 for a purse. Why must I be so frugal?

Happy Monday!

things i'm lovin'

2011-11-30T08:05:00.000-08:00

Someone suggested yesterday that I should change up my routine in the gym or add some classes. GREAT IDEA! My gym, while I love it, doesn't offer many classes and the ones that it does offer i'm pretty sure is for people over the age of 70...true story. So I decided to go to my friend's gym and get a schedule of classes and I am amazed at all they offer. So my new gym plan will consist of my NORMAL workouts at my gym and then adding a class of some sort at night with her. I am actually really really looking forward to this. I think it's the motivation and change I need.

Finals start next week and I'm just so ready for the semester to be over. Research papers, law finals, article critiques, tests....that's what my life looks like until next Sunday. I'm willing the time to go by quickly.

Anyways, here are some random pics of what has been going on...via my iphone.

I jumped on the scale the other morning to find this. 138 pounds. WHAT! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME? That's what i was screaming. I got off...re-weighed...and sure enough...it said something different....140. BUT, i had to post this pic b/c it was the first time in my life i've been in my 130's. Even if it was for like 13 seconds. I'm fluctuating anywhere from 140-144 these days. Tricky scales. Btw, don't be jealous that you don't have an awesome pedicure like mine. Seriously, I know how amazing they look.

2 of my best friends! Football game!

C. Every year we do an ornament exchange. This was the one I got him.

I love this little penguin. This was my ornament. Ignore the blurry choodle. He was determined to be in every pic.

Tree @ the boyfriend....er...fiance's apt.

Tree @ my momma's! I love Christmas time.

I was not the only one full on Thanskgiving. Everyone kept feeding my furchild leftovers, he is NOT used to that..he was full, miserable, and i'm pretty sure slightly sick. Poor guy. I don't think he moved for 2 full days.

And I just realized 90% of these pics are of my dog. I'm not a crazy animal lady I swear. He's just too cute. And so is the boy.

The 2 cutest kids in the world. My precious niece and nephew. GAH, I JUST WANNA SQUEEZE THEM. Too much cuteness for me to handle.

I log on to twitter the other day to tweet C and find this as his profile pic. HILARIOUS/RIDICULOUS. SPEAKING OF TWITTER...follow me ashmann1.

Found this jewel on my mom's camera. Last year at the zoo. I literally never remember being that big. It just blows my mind.


Plz ignore C's messy apt. Love this dress.

Happy Wednesday!

blahs.

2011-11-29T08:31:00.000-08:00

Okay so it's been a bit since I've blogged about what is going on with my fitnesssssssssss. Mainly b/c there isn't much to tell. I'm still going to the gym. But, I'm having REALLY REALLY crappy workouts. I don't know if i'm not motivated? I'm not sure what the problem is. I feel pretty uninspired in many aspects of life right now, from school projects to the gym to even clothes. You guys ever get this way? Just a case of the blahs? Yeah, I got 'em.

I really think I'm losing muscle. I am focusing way too much on cardio, just because I tend to prefer doing that. I hate leg workout days. I hate arm workout days. I need someone to fire me up. I really want a GOOD trainer. But those....I don't think they exist around here.

My weight is still the same. 142. I SOOOOOOOOOOOO WANT to lose these last 10 pounds. But..as you can see..i'm having issues.

How do you guys stay motivated? PLEASEEEEEEEEEE tell me your tricks. I so need some encouragement.

thankful.

2011-11-25T12:09:00.000-08:00

Happy late Thanksgiving!

I ate WAY WAY WAY too much food. Literally. The most I've ate in the past year. NOT OKAY. But, I killed it in the gym today. I'm pretending that will counteract the 37 desserts I ate yesterday...yes? ...no.

I had a great day nonetheless.

C and I were blessed with a great gift yesterday. My brother and sister-in-law gave us a card with flowers inside and a sweet message saying they wanted to bless us with an engagement present/early wedding present. They are covering the flowers for the entire rehearsal, wedding, etc. What a blessing! They said our dreams are at their expense....which will save us so much money..thousands of dollars. It doesn't hurt that my SIL is a talented florist. Thank you, Lord.

What I'm thankful for: God's everlasting and continuous forgiveness, mercy, guidance, and love. My mother who is my best friend. My fiance (so weird) C and the fact that everyday I'm met with respect and selfless pure love, my brothers who I'm not as close to as I would like to be but still love regardless, my sister-in-law for giving me the most precious gift..being an auntie to the two most precious children in the entire world,my grandmother who is 90 years old and still cracks me up. My grandfather who is no longer here, but even after being gone for 7 years is the most amazing and influential person in my life. My furchild. Spending thanksgiving evening laying across my bed talking with my best friend who I adore. My health. This list could go on and on. I'm thankful.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and didn't get injured if you hit up the Black Friday sales. I went into Wal-mart for like 10 seconds and realized very quickly that I'm just not cut out for the massive crowds and crazy aggressiveness. Seriously! I heard someone shout "BE AGRESSIVE!" to her friend...over towels. That's when I realized I'm much better off warm, cozy, and safe in my bed.

HAPPY Friday!

guess what....

2011-11-21T13:56:00.000-08:00

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it's true. A little over two weeks ago C asked me to do this thing forever. AND I SAID YES. So how do I feel?

Initially, very emotional. We've been together for four years and he is probably the most amazing person I've ever met. I've prayed for him. Even before I knew who God would put in my life. I prayed for it to be someone amazing..and it was definitely given to me. Ten fold. I could never ask for someone to love me more than he does.

I cried. A lot. The first week after it happened I was an emotional basketcase. Poor guy. I don't know why? It was just a strange feeling. I never thought I would react that way. But, it took me some time to get use to it. And finally i'm starting to realize. I'M ABOUT TO START PLANNING A WEDDING. I'm going to get MARRIED. I'm going to live with a BOY for the first time. I'm happy.

So how did he do it? Apparently he has been trying for the last few months. But...I've been difficult to say the least. After a few failed attempts..me ruining surprises(oops) he finally succeeded. I love love love hiking and we are always trying to find new places to go and see. A few weeks ago he asked me to go with him to hike Pinnacle Mtn. which is in Little Rock. I, of course, was excited to do that because I have had many friends tell me what a challenge it is and how beautiful it is from the top. Anyways, we packed a backpack with blankets and a picnic and headed out. We climbed for a while and talked and were having a great time. I started getting really hungry at one point and slightly annoyed because I couldn't figure out why he was making such a big deal about getting to a certain point at Pinnacle. He would not drop it. I was like "dude, can we just eat already" and he was very diligent about making it to a certain spot. Anyways, once we reached the spot he laid out a blanket for us to sit on to eat the picnic, then handed me another to lay out for us to put our food on. When he handed me the second blanket something very thick was in it. I opened it up and there was a book. It was an entire book of our love story that he had been working on. He had saved everything over the last four years and included them in the book. Movie tickets, razorback game stubs, little notes, cards, EVERYTHING. On the last page of the book there was a note I had written him back in 2007. Back then he would ALWAYS ask me to be his girlfriend, but I just was not having it. I liked dating boys and I did not want a serious boyfriend. I was just enjoying college. But one day it hit me...I didn't want to date any other boys. I wanted to date this boy. But by that time...he was kinda givin' up on asking. So I took matters into my own hands and wrote him a little note and attached it to a box of his favorite homemade cookies and officially asked him to be my boyfriend. I never realized he kept that note though. But there it was...in the book of our love story. On that page it said "I am so glad I said yes all those years ago and now it's your turn. That baffled me, so I turned around to be like "WHHHATT!" and there he was...on one knee...ring in hand...asking me.to.marry.him. *squeal* And then....I said YESSSSSSS.

My beautiful engagement ring. I absolutely love it.

First picture after. I had been bawling. Puffy face. Happy smiles. Wouldn't have it any other way.


Crying/Laughing all at the same time.

big news.

2011-11-14T14:40:00.000-08:00

I've been missing from my blog for a few weeks now. SO.MUCH.HAS.HAPPENED.

I really really want to tell you guys all about it, but I must wait a few days so I can have the pictures to show you all the goodness and amazingness that has transpired in my life over the last two weeks.

Also, to all my new followers. Thank you:) Thank you guys for all the sweet comments.

The difference a year can make-111 pounds lighter.

2011-10-31T12:15:00.000-07:00

Saturday marked one year since I started my weight loss journey. It's crazy to think that so much time has gone by and to see such amazing results. The years are going to pass whether you do something with your life or not...might as well try to better oneself. I'm so glad I took that first step. I would probably weigh 300 pounds had I not. I was miserable. I hated myself. I hated the way I looked. I hated the fact that I felt like I had no self control. I hated it all.

Now...now it's different. I KNOW I have self-control. I KNOW that things in life that are worth doing are always going to be more difficult. I KNOW that I am healthy. I KNOW that I am capable of anything I put my mind to. I KNOW that I am strong. I KNOW that every sweat bead, every tear, every "I don't know if I can do this" has paid off.

I know ...myself. And...most of all..I love myself. NOT because I'm Ashley and I'm 144 pounds. Not anything to do with the way I look. I love myself because I am determined. And when I'm determined....I accomplish things. I put my mind to something..I set a goal...and I achieve it. Learning that you have the power to do things, to MAKE CHANGES, to change your own life....that's power...that's earth shattering...that's life changing.

Losing weight has been so great for me. I've learned so much. About weight, food, nutrition..but mainly about myself. I changed something so BIG in my life (no pun intended). Through that I have realized I need to evaluate other areas of my life as well. The "friends" who aren't supportive, those that put me down, the negative energy that these people bring aren't useful or good, the attitude I HAVE. Everything.

I've realized that LIFE ISN'T PERFECT. You can't just close your eyes and wish to be skinny. It takes work. Just as you can't close your eyes and WISH to be successful. Hard Work. Dedication. Perseverance.

I could sit here and say all the ways that losing weight is hard. The majority of the difficulty is mental though. And I'm working daily to beat that. I could also sit here and tell you that I fear this coming year. Because SURE I've lost 111 pounds. SURE I'm in a healthy zone and feeling great. Butttttttttttttt....keeping it off will be the really trying part. I'm not going to do that though...because these things are obvious. Instead...i'm going to celebrate the fact that 1 year ago..I sit at this very same desk a 255 pound, overweight, MISERABLE girl. Today...I sit here 111 pounds lighter. A 144 pound, PROUD, confident, BRAVE, determined girl. At the end of the day though...I'm just Ashley. Sure I've changed. But we all can if we want to. I challenge YOU..whoever you are reading this. Maybe you don't need to lose 100+, maybe your journey is something completely different...BUT I challenge you. USE the next year to better yourselves. Set a goal and see it through. Because as I said earlier..the years are going to pass...you can stay the same miserable, angry, upset, disappointed person...or you can OWN this year and do something with it. Your choice.

My year through pictures.

255+ pounds October 2010

October 27, 2011-144 pounds

October 2010

October 2010. o-m-ggggggggggggggggg 255+ Pounds

October 2011

October 2010

October 2011

Oct. 2011

Oct. 2010

Oct. 2011

August 2010

October 2011

2010

2011

Searching for a graduation dress...miserable. 2010 255+ pounds

Again...searching for a grad dress..HORRIBLE day. Nothing in my size that I could find. so glad those days are over. 2010 255

2011-SIZE 6 WOO

2010

2011

This was in March so I had lost a BIG chunk of weight...around 185 here.

August 2011 155 or so

Grad pics...i die looking at these. All 2010 All around 250 or 255

Hiking a huge mountain...10K. Huge accomplishment. Around 155

2011 around 155-160

This was obviously 12.19.10....this was after I lost my first 30 pounds...sooo around 225.

10-29-2011 144 pounds

2011-160

144


144

boots.

2011-10-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have a 5 day weekend this week and I am enjoying it so much. I hit the gym after sleeping in this morning, threw healthy crock pot tacos on, showered, and now I'm cuddled up in bed with the fur child, listening to rain, smelling the delicious aroma, and reading blogs. YES, I definitely consider this a successful day. I'll continue to ignore the mounds of homework I have for a while longer and enjoy this rainy Thursday.

Last year...well...really every year in the past I dreamed of wearing cute knee high boots. I've always loved fashion, but unfortunately I was limited in that regard considering I weighed 255+ pounds. Unfortunately, I carried most of that weight in my legs making it seriously IMPOSSIBLE for me to find a pair of boots that would fit my calves. I TRIED EVERYTHING. I would google "EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA WIDE CALF BOOTS"...only to order them and have them still not fit. While so many great things about being 110 pounds lighter are because of health reasons...lets not lie...some of the other great reasons of being 110 pounds lighter involve fashion!....it's nice to be able to wear cute stuff finally and not have to constantly search for a pair to fit over one's calves.

Anyways, last year...after losing my first 30 pounds I finally found a pair of boots that would KINDA fit over my ginormous legs....at lane bryant. After I bought them I SWORE to myself that this year..I WOULD BE ABLE TO WEAR STEVE MADDEN BOOTS!!!!!!! That day has finally arrived and im so very happy!

I guess it's a tad ridiculous to dedicate an entire blog to boots. But if you only knew how much i loved them..you would understand.

Last year's boots. This is what 255 pound ashley had to wear.

This was last December after I had lost my first 30 pounds. Size 18, somewhere around 225 I'm guessing.

2011 STEVE MADDEN BOOTS..WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!FDAJFLJASLFJSLAJF


144 pounds. Size 6.

HAPPY Thursday:) Hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I am mine.

weekend through iphone pics.

2011-10-24T08:40:00.000-07:00

Oh Monday!!! I have so so so much to do today. And I'm sitting here, looking at pinterest, playing on picnik, and reading blogs. I blame my lack of coffee. And you know, it just being Monday in general does not help.

I missed my morning workout today for the first time in a year. I'm feeling pretty crappy about it too. I woke up so late for work...like 7:30 late. When I have to be at work at 8. I brought my workout clothes to try to hit the gym during my lunch break, but I don't see that happening. I'm going to go on a run after work though, so hopefully that will curb my guilt a little.

Now, my weekend. It was a good weekend. I somehow managed to wake up extremely grumpy both Saturday and Sunday and stay in a crappy mood throughout the weekend. Nothing happened. Everything was beyond great, but it was just one of those days...er...two days. I hate bad moods and taking things for granted. I.WILL.WORK.ON.THAT.

Anyways, Friday night I was able to go to dinner and hangout with one of my best friends/cousin. She is always so busy, and so am I...so sometimes we find it difficult to make time for one another. The stars aligned and we were able to eat sushi and spend a night in pajamas watching Bridesmaids, laughing, talking, and just chillin'. It was much needed!

Saturday, the boyfriend and I took our furchild to petsmart to get his Halloween picture made. Yeah, we are those people. He.is.just.so.cute.though.

Sunday night we had an impromptu date night that was wonderful. I laughed and cried at dinner. We had the best conversation and I really am thankful that God placed him in my life.

Anyways, that was basically my weekend. How was yours? Hopefully wonderful!!

Sushi and movie night.

This is how my dog tries to sleep...he wants to be as close to me as possible. Movie night.

They are repaving the road out front of my boyfriends house, I'll let these paw tracks speak for itself.

I've had this strong urge to get my grandmother to teach me to cook some of her best food. My favorite...her biscuits. For Sunday dinner she showed me what to do! I love her so much.

Isn't she cute?

Date night. 144 pounds.

My favorite pic of the weekend...IT WON'T LET ME ROTATE:(:(

petsmart choodle pic. Yes again..i'm quite ashamed that I do this to my little guy.

the gym

2011-10-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

My trainer, also the owner of my gym, makes it a point to tell all of his new clients about me. I don't know if I should feel proud..or annoyed. Don't get me wrong, I know he probably does it to just pump people up or whatnot, but sometimes I feel rather annoyed when I'm drenched in sweat, grunting, and I hear from across the gym, "HEY ASHLEY, COME TELL THIS GUY HOW MUCH WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST!!!!" ....uh no thanks. I don't need dude knowing that i've lost over a 100 pounds. I find that people look at my different after they find out. I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid, but sometimes, I wish I could go a day without having to explain to someone that I use to be 255 pounds. ESPECIALLY his interns. That's the most annoying thing. The university in my town send their health and wellness students to my gym for their internship, who tend to be really good looking guys my age. The other day I was working out with my trainer and he is basically using me to train the guy by showing him the things I do at the gym. During the middle of all this, he stops, and goes "this girl is a bad a, tell him ashley, tell him" to which I just politely smile and continue with my workout. It's already awkward enough having this dude stare me down while I'm working out, but I don't want to discuss the last year with him especially. Long story short, my trainer starts in, "DUDE, this girl, she use to be, let's just be honest ashley, extremely overweight. EXTREMELY DUDE, i mean, REALLY REALLY OVERWEIGHT!!!" ....Thanks. "But now, look at her, 110 pounds dude, 110 pounds!!!! can you BELIEVE THAT!!!!!"

Yes, he truly said dude that many times.

Anyways, I get it...he's proud. But some days, I would just rather be anonymous, go in, workout, leave.

Monday I was at the gym and this lady walks over to me and said something that caught me completely caught me off guard. She said, "Hi, I don't know if this is weird to tell you this or not, but you truly inspire me. The first day I walked into this gym and I was so discouraged and I knew I couldn't do it. I sat at the table waiting on the trainer and you were the only girl in here. I instantly resented you because I thought you were one of those skinny cute girls that being small had always come naturally to. Then I was told your story by my trainer. I realized something, if you can do this and you can look that great, I can too..everyday since I've been in here I've thought of you. I even told my husband about you and he wants to start working out!"

At that moment, I realized. Yes, it may be really annoyeing for my trainer to blab my life story to the gym, but I did something I never even thought about. I inspired someone just by GETTING HEALTHY!!! If my story helps her or anyone lose weight and add years to their life. If it stops someone from getting a premature disease because of weight. Or even if it gives someone the push to get more active...then it's totally worth it.

6 months away.

2011-10-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting at my desk today. Minding my own business. Checking my email. You know, the ush. That's when I realized I had an email from my advisor asking me to schedule an apt to meet with her tomorrow to schedule my last semester of grad school. Oh.My.Lord.

It hit me. In less than 6 months I will have my master's degree. WHAT THEN??? Is it normal to not know what I want to do with my life. I have all these degrees and no clue what I need to do with them. Or what I want to do with them. OR EVEN if I want to use them at all.

Some people come out of the womb knowing what they want to do with their life. They have always known their passions. I don't. At all. I could be happy doing so many things. As long as i'm not cooped up in an office. As long as I'm around people. And as long as what i'm doing is making some sort of difference. I feel like I can be happy. BUT WHAT???!!!!!!!!! The scary thing is, when I graduate, my job ends. I work at my institution as a graduate assistant. So come May, i'm jobless. Gah.

I try not to stress, but when I have moments of realization that my life and all I have known (school) is about to come to an end...I panic. Like get sick feeling panic. I.DON'T.LIKE.THIS.

I can't figure out what to do. I pray. I pray. Oh and then I pray some more. My typical conversations with God go something like this "Hey, God, you think this would be a good career choice? I doubt it seeing I didn't get that job that I wanted. What do you think?" *crickets* "Hey, um, I was just wondering what I should be doing to prepare for what you want for my life?" *crickets* "Hey, God..it's me again..umm....some guidance would be nice. I'm just kinda....having no clue...what to do" *silence*

So basically what I'm saying is this. THERE HAS TO BE A REASON THAT I DON'T HAVE A FRIGGIN' CLUE what to do after graduation. God has a plan for my life. All I can figure out is that He is waiting to reveal that plan.

Trust is a hard thing, but Lord...it's yours.

weekend through iPhone pics.

2011-10-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

What a weekend!

Friday night was...awkward. I went with my sister-in-law to a wedding. The wedding of a really good friends of hers....who..happens to be...my ex-boyfriend's sister. Bahahah. Talk.About.Awkward.

First of all. It didn't have to be awkward. That was quite some time ago, and I know I have certainly moved on since then...but apparently not everyone has.

So after I endured a night of being stared down by a guy who sucked his girlfriends neck every 5 seconds, I was happy to drive the hour back home and sleep.

Saturday morning was much better though. I went on a hike with my boyfriend. Good times. Then we hit the bike trails with my nephew. THEN, I had a 3 hour legal test that night. BLAH.

Productive and fun weekend overall. Here are some pics.

7 mile hike! WOO.

The boyfriend on our hike:)

Some cute fabric earrings I made sunday

Ready for the awkward wedding with my sis in law Friday night.

Again.

Cute letter my 6 year old nephew wrote me. Melt my heart.

let's be honest

2011-10-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Lately there have been a bazillion questions I've wanted to ask a person who has lost more than 100 pounds. Unfortunately, besides myself, I don't know many people on a journey similar to this. SOOOOO, I'll ask you guys who read this.

One of my favorite misconceptions about losing this much weight is the fact that people tend to think that your body just basically turns flawless after you reach your goal weight...pshhhhh. It, unfortunately, usually does not work this way.

So, let's be honest. Hangy skin. Will it ever tighten? Will it ever go away? I am 108 pounds down almost a year in. And I have skin on my legs..obviously...but I believe I have a little too much of it. Also, on my arms. My stomach is relatively flat with no extra skin there, but my friggin' arm and legs. I could donate skin. I'm serious. I keep telling myself, "oh, it'll tighten over time," but i'm really starting to think I've been lying to myself about this. Anyone have any experience??? Do I just keep pushing and working out hard and hoping it tightens? I guess that's really my only option either way. But i'd like to know if it'll ever look normal....

I'm working really hard to love new me though. To not focus on the stupid negative aspects, such as hangy skin. But rather on the blissful side of weight loss. You know, like walking up 2 stairs without getting winded and being able to fit comfortably in chairs of any variety...you know...the good things in life! ;) I really want to be at a place where I look in the mirror and like what I see. I still tear myself apart every time I see my reflection though. I think 'this is too big" or "omggggggggggg why are my legs still so big" or "WHY ARE MY HIPS 10000 BIGGER THAN MY WAIST..I LOOK MISPROPORTIONED!" ..I'm telling you guys, it's a scary thing going on in my head.

I will say that lately I've been looking at the calendar and getting overwhelmed. I DESPERATELY want to get down in my 130's, but I've been fluctuating like mad and not seeing very consistent results. Probably because being consistent has been tough lately. Concerts, eating out, traveling, football games, just crazy busy stuff that has left me feeling very very ...gross. Too.much.eating.out. I'm trying to be 24, not 90! I have to be realistic. I can't NOT go out with my friends. I can't NOT go to concerts. I can't just live in a little house with nothing, but high protein meals my whole life. BUTTTTTTT, I can do better! I think it's about trying to find the balance. I'm just not sure how to do that yet. The great news is...even with my inconsistency i'm not eating bad. I try to be as healthy as I can at any resturaunt I go to. I don't gorge myself on bread. I simply order my chicken and stick to it.

My addiction lately though...freakin' sushi! It's like I CAN'T BEAT IT. I could live on California Rolls. Not that bad, right? Maybe i'm just trying to make myself feel better. But, I do think it could be worse.

Anyways, I'm not sure where this post took a turn from questions into my love for sushi. If you think I'm bad on my blog...you wouldn't want to meet me. I do this. I'm all over the place...24/7.

Anyways, hangy skin..yeah...any suggestions?

weekend through iphone pics.

2011-10-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend went by so quickly. Friday night we went to the movies to watch 50/50 which I actually really liked. I'm not just a huge Seth Rogen fan, but it was a decent movie nonetheless.

Saturday morning we got up and headed to Fayetteville for the Arkansas/Auburn game. I love me some razorback football! I pretty much loathe Auburn...horribly...i mean...HATE with a passion. They are probably the worst team on the planet as far as I'm concerned. They are obnoxious, their fans are RIDICULOUS, and just overall..they suck. So, I was particularly stoked to be going to this game. And even more stoked that we won..although I knew we would:) I had such a great day with C. We laughed A LOT and had a wonderful day. Here are some pics:

Sunday, I slept the day away, ate dinner with the fam, relaxed, played basketball with some friends, and just chilled. Good weekend by my standards.

I kicked the week off with a good cardio workout today and now I'm ready to see what the rest of the week has in store.

Happy Monday, guys!

emotions

2011-10-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

I don't really even know where to start with this blog post.

I was looking through old pictures on my computer yesterday, and came across the album from when I graduated college. I opened the file and started scrolling through pics, not really looking at them. You know what I mean? Then I realized....I have been doing that this whole past year. Acknowledging, but not really that I have changed. Looking in the mirror everyday makes realizing the changes i've went through difficult. I know I feel different. But, it's not until I can actually see, and i mean really really see evidence of it that I realize it's true.

Opening that folder, scrolling through quickly, then stopping on a couple really did something to me. I found myself so incredibly sad. Before I knew it the tears were just pouring and I was really so sad for the former me. A day that should have been so monumental and amazing....wasn't. I hated the way I looked. I hated that I was so big I couldn't wear heels across the stage to receive my diploma. I hated that I actually wanted to leave the stupid graduation gown on at my party so no one would look at how big I had gotten. I hated that I had to search for 2 months to find a size 22 dress that looked halfway okay. I hated that I had to buy that dress at a 16 and up clothing store. I hated that I was so insecure. I hated myself. I hated the girl that was 255+ pounds and so unhealthy.

It just all hit me at once. I've never been emotional about the journey. But I just sat there and cried and mourned for that girl. I can't explain it. You guys might think I'm crazy, but it is truly the only way I know how to explain it. I felt like that girl had died.

I sent the picture to a few close friends. Each saying the same thing "wow, omg, i can't believe that" or "YOUR FACE, it was huge!" Or my personal favorite "OMG YOU HAD LUNCH LADY ARMS!" ....yes..yes sir I did have lunch lady arms. None of those friends though have been in this body for the last 11 1/2 months sweating, working, resisting temptation, and fighting every step of the way. I wanted someone to feel that emotion I was feeling...but they couldn't. It's one of those things that NO ONE will understand until they go through it. I literally spent the rest of the afternoon in almost a haze. Really sad for that girl.

I don't want to ever experience that again. That horrible feeling of knowing how unhealthy I was. Knowing that I was MORBIDLY OBESE, knowing that sitting in desks made for normal sized people would be a challenge, dreading meeting people for the first time out of fear of what they would think, KNOWING that I was over 100 pounds overweight.

Former Ashley was so sad. She let herself get out of control. She had no will power. She was NOT confident. And because of the way she felt about herself, she was MISERABLE. There was no pleasing her.

As bad as I HATE that former me. I realized something last night as I sat and poured my heart out to my bf. As bad as I hated that Ashley....I love her too. That Ashley...she took the first step. She changed my life, and because of her I'll never ever be the same.

August 14, 2010-255+ pounds

October 6th, 2011-147 pounds

October 4th, 2011-147 pounds

things i'm lovin'

2011-10-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy busy, and it's only Wednesday! It's only 2freaking30. WHERE ARE YOU 5:00!??!!! PLEASE PLEASE HURRY!

Things i'm lovin' this week

We found this cute little kitten abandoned by our house! She is literally the sweetest thing, even though I really dislike cats. I like her.

17 Turkey Pepperonis or 1 serving (70 calories), cow pal cheese (70 calories), one tablespoon of weight watchers pasta/pizza sauce (25 calories) PLUS tons of onions, bellpeppers, and any other veggies. So basically carbless pizza...wahoo! 165 cals.

My precious furchild. He is a spoiled mess and truly thinks he is a real kid.

I have an obsession with OPI fingernail polish. This is from the new muppet collection. #lovelovelove

Friends!

I went to the Taylor Swift concert last night to see the opening act, MY FAVORITE BAND in the world. Needtobreathe. Love them.

Being able to wear size 6 clothes


I usually wouldn't put my personal biz out here like this, but I love finding sweet notes like this for no reason. Literally in my car when I left the gym this morning. I really really really love my boyfriend.

weekend through iphone pics.

2011-10-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, Monday. Today has been FABULOUS...for a Monday! I dread Monday's starting on Tuesday. But this one has definitely not lived up to its name.

Okay, so this post is going to be random. And I just want all of you to know I'm a big fat liar. You know how I proclaimed last Monday that I was going to refocus and stop weighing myself every 10 minutes. Well...ooops. I lasted like 3 whole days. Why is that so hard for me? I need to hide my scale, but then I guess that wouldn't quite work either.

Anyways, I have been working hard to beat the crap outta the 150's. I was sick of seeing that stupid number on the scale. I was in the 150's for what seemed like months and months and months. In fact, I could probably go back through this blog and see just how long, BUT I would probably be very ashamed of myself. Because truthfully, I could have done better! But, somehow last week I lost 3 pounds. That has literally not happened in forever. When I first started, last October, 3 pounds a week was easy. Now, it's just completely and utterly unheard of. Anyways, this is where I'm at now folks, and I couldn't be more excited.

Okay, I just realized you can't see the number very well. 147.0 1 HUNDRED FREAKIN' 47!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got back to ultra high protein and my normal 5 small meals a day, and it obviously did me some good! I can't wait to see what happens over the next month. I started this journey on October 29th, 2010 and It would be beyond exciting if I could be to my goal weight by then. I know that is a lofty goal, but fingers crossed.

Friday night I went to dinner with friends and to watch "What's Your Number" (which was mediocre at best) I had such a great night. I literally love my friends. I laughed so hard that my stomach ached by the end of the night.

147 pounds. Size 6. HOLLA

One of my best friends from college.

After, we all parted for the night, I headed home ready to crash, I got a text from another friend beckoning me to the next state to hit up a casino. I don't gamble and the smell of smoke nauseates me, but I figured why the hey not. So at midnight, we hit the road to head to the closest casino...in fricken' Oklahoma. Good times. Oh, I guess I should mention she got us kicked out for having her cell phone at the blackjack table. Who knew? So we then waited in the car until her friend got off work. And finally made it back home around 5 am. What a night.

This is what exhaustion and coffee will get you!

And that was just all on Friday. Saturday, going on 2 hours of sleep, I talked my mom into hiking with me a waterfall I hear about all the time. It was G-ORGEOUS! It was a short hike, only about 2 miles, but it was literally sooooooo beautiful!

One of the highlights of my weekend....Putting on a pair of size 6 jeans, THAT FIT ME LOOSELY and rockin' them. I literally NEVER EVER EVER thought I would see the day. This time last year I struggled to put on a size 22. I can't fathom all that has happened over the last year. I'm so lucky, happy, blessed, and forever thankful that I took that first step.

I have such a fun week coming up! I can't wait. I hope you guys are having a good Monday also!

food, food, food

2011-09-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

Do you guys ever get sick of eating the same things over and over? I'm quickly approaching my year mark on this journey! And i'm staring to realize that many of my sturggles are not because I don't want to eat healthy, it's just simply because i'm completely sick of eating the same friggin' foods day in and day out. You know you've had too much of something when you literally gag at the thought of it.....tuna.

So, I wanted to ask you ladies. What are some of your favorite healthy eating recipes or foods! I'm not a picky eater so I'm really open to any suggestions you guys might have for me!

Got them moves like Jagger

2011-09-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

Okay. As bad as I hate to admit this...i've been just sucking it up on the whole healthy eating front. I am a steady 151-152 pounds...but I'm kicking myself because I could be in my 140's now if i would just put down the freakin' fork. Because my eating has sucked, my workouts have sucked even more. I am in a bad mood all day because of both of these things and just frankly...it's no good. So after a good week of pity parties...I decided i need to refocus...again. If you read my blog often you know these last few months have been a LOT of refocusing. I know that's kind of pathetic, but I often need to gain a new perspective and almost "start" over occasionally! It lights a new fire and gets me pumped up. SO alas, today is a new day.

One way I plan on refocusing is by journaling what I eat. Every little detail. I need to see where the majority of my calories are going and I want to keep making good food choices. I think this will help. ALSO, im not weighing for a couple weeks. I become too dependent on my scale sometimes. It's nice to have a little break from it. I haven't done this throughout my whole journey, i've been an everyday kind of weigher..so hopefully this will suit me well.

I'm desperate for a good, loyal, workout partner. I don't even need a gym buddy, I can handle that by myself. But it would be nice to have someone that enjoyed hiking, running, biking etc. Sometimes I loathe my town. I have wondrous friends, but at the end of the day this is something I just don't have in common with many of them.

NOW, I did actually go hiking with my friends Will and William the other day. We hike right up a REALLY REALLY steep mountain. It was so intense the first few times we did it that I simply did not think I would ever do it without feeling like I was passing out, but now...it's almost too easy. I'm ready for a bigger challenge.

Hiking w/will, william, and will's nephew

The boys spotted this thing. A friggin' tarantula. I had no interest in it, but they had to stop and play. GROSS!

Gross again.

Anyways, my weekend was pretty eventful. I hit the road at 10 pm Thursday night for a 6 hour drive to Dallas with a friend. It was the most random, bizarre trip ever. I had a blast and totally enjoyed watching train and maroon 5 perform. But so much stuff happened on that trip that you probably wouldn't even believe if i blogged it. Let's just say it involves a pizza man, stolen money, and almost dying in a car crash...and I'm totally not being dramatic. lol. Good times.

We stayed in literally the most charming hotel of all times. If you're ever in Dallas I highly suggest the Indigo Hotel. It's so reasonably priced, but absolutely adorable. Hardwood Floors, clouds painted on the ceiling. Adorable. The staff...well they suck. But the hotel is great.

I'm not just a crazy over the top Train fan. I like them. I'm just not IN love with them. But they were decent nonetheless although dude changed his outfit about 20 times during a 45 minute set of songs. Ridic. He spent more time changing then singing, i hate that. During the song "marry me" he went out into the audience and handed the mic to a guy who sang it to his gf and proposed. Cheessssssville, but cute I guess. If you like that sort of thing(I wouldn't...i would kill my bf)

Maroon 5 though...they were wonderfully great. Oh Adam Levine, we will be married one day. Anywho, this is what I wore.

151 pounds.

I have never wore a dress above my knees in my life. I was so uncomfortable because...well..the 151 pound Ashley just IS NOT use to this yet.

That's all the randomness I have for today. HAVE a great week, everyone!

courage doesn't always roar

2011-09-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

It's Monday..once again. We really need to try to do away with this day. It just keeps coming...week after week!

Monday and Tuesdays are my long long long days. I dread them, but at least once they are over I can have the rest of the blissful week to myself!

I had the most incredible weekend! Well, actually the most incredible Friday. My boyfriend is a teacher/coach. He teaches high school science and physics and coaches high school baseball. He adores his job. I mean...REALLY ADORES his job. In the three years he has been teaching he has not taken even ONE day off work. He just loves it that much, I guess! Anyways, he told me earlier last week that he was going to take Friday off. I asked why and thought it was odd and he said he just wanted to spend the day together since I had my law test on Saturday and wouldn't be able to have a real weekend. I thought this was sweet, but didn't think much of it! Anyways, I woke up to these...


FLOWERSSSSSSSSSS!!!

Pretty pretty pretty flowers! From the bf! I proceed to walk into the bathroom with a note on the mirror that said "be ready by 9!" Long story short, once ready, he blindfolded me and took me to the most amazing jewelry store and told me to pick out several engagement rings that I would love to have in the future. He had made an appointment with the owner, who pulled out so many beautiful rings to show me! They were all so unique and beautiful! It was all very whimsical and romantic in the best possible way. I found the RINGGGGGGGGGGG of my dreams. I did not want to leave it behind. But, I don't think jewelry stores take kindly to just walking out with jewelry, so alas. It's still there. I don't know when, how, or where he will propose or IF it will be soon or a year down the road. But, I know it was a beautiful and perfect day with my best friend. BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED!

Now, that i've been all mushy. Let's talk about weight loss! This is what showed up on the scale this weekend!


151.6 pounds!

151 pounds. Whoa! I don't think i've ever been this small. I'm STOKKKEEDDDDD! I'm 11 pounds a way from my goal.

This weekend I am roadtripping to dallas with a friend to catch a Maroon 5 and Train concert. I.CAN'T.WAIT. My goal was 149 by then....i'm only 5 days away so I'm not sure it's feasible. BUT, it is only 2 pounds...maybe it is.

Do any of you ladies that have lost a good chuck of weight have a weird relationship with clothes? I find myself getting really overwhelmed when I shop these days. When I weighed 255 pounds I was lucky to just find a pair of jeans to fit, let alone have to worry about how those size 22 jeans looked. BUT, at 151 pounds, I have options. SO MANY FREAKING OPTIONS THAT IT'S CONFUSING!!!!!!!! I've always loved shopping, but I find myself trying to buy baggy stuff still. Then when I go to the dressing room and try on these clothes that swallow me, i have to remind myself "FOOL, YOU'VE LOST 100 POUNDS!!!!" ...Then I usually leave empty handed.

So...jeggings. Jeans, but they are tight. But...they are ...leggings? Like...skinny jeans? Why did we decide to stop calling them skinny jeans again?? Who makes up these rules. ANYWAYS, i've caved.....I bought some...and I feel like I'm all kinds of on display in these jeans/jeggings! I don't know if it's because they are just not suppose to be worn by...anyone....or if it's because I'm use to being a 22. Regardless...here they are.

Anyways, have you guys heard of pinterest? It's pretty flippin' cool! It allows you to make boards of inspiration. I haven't spent much time on it, but i did find this saying and I thought...that's so TRUE for weightloss...."courage doesn't always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow!" You know how many times I have beat myself up for not working out hard enough, or for not doing PERFECTLY on this journey. However, somewhere along the way I realized...as long as I do better the next day I am making progress!

Lastly, one of my amazing followers, who I find literally drop dead gorgeous gave me my first blogging award. YAYYYYY!!!!!!! Thank you, http://myhips-dontlie.blogspot.com/

A little about the award....stolen straight from her blog..sorrrryyy;)

About the award:
The Liebster Blog Award is designed to bring additional recognition to those bloggers with less than 200 followers. If you receive the award, you should link back to the blogger that nominated you and nominate five more blogs.

So with that said...I love reading all your blogs so much. You guys inspire me.

1.) http://notaneffingdiet.blogspot.com/
2.)http://skinny-jeans-dreams.blogspot.com/
3.)http://www.bornthisweigh.com/
4.)http://flabbyfab.blogspot.com/
5.)http://www.changingfromfattofit.blogspot.com/

have a wonderful week guys!

Rambles, pics, weightloss

2011-09-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

I want to preface this blog by saying it’s going to be long, annoying, and show you way too much of me. So, if you hate random progress pics, rambles, etc…click the little X on the top of the screenJ

Before I move on to “weight loss” topics..i’m going to be a total jerk and use this is a moment to give a big “hey you’re a freaking idiot” award to a few people that seem to read my blog.

I made a post yesterday about how 9/11 impacted ME. Ashley! Not you! I don’t appreciate people that feel the need to post hateful anonymous comments that make you look like a moron. I said nothing disrespectful in yesterday’s post…as I would never seeing that it is one of the most horrible, heart wrenching days our country has ever experienced. I posted what was going through MY HEAD. I had no intention of trying to make 9/11 about me; however, this is MY blog, so I was telling a story through MY perspective…my PERSONAL account. If anywhere in that was it misconstrued as something else…well then you seriously have no business reading my blog b/c that indicates you ~~need serious help~~ this blog is not for you. I obviously know that we ALL have a personal connection with 9/11, how it impacted us etc, and I’m sure we ALL remember the details of that day as it will be seared into our brain for the rest of our lives. To everyone else that read it and understood where I was coming from…thank you!

I love blogging! However every now and then I get this horribly rude and hateful comments…some anonymous, some not, regardless I delete them and move on my merry way. But just for future references, this is MY BLOG, and if you disagree with whatever I say there is a respectful and appropriate way to approach that…and calling me names or being downright ridiculous is just not acceptable.

NOW…with that ridiculous mess out of the way. Weightloss. Sigh. Such a love/hate relationship I’m having right now. I’m still so motivated, but also so…unsure of what to do sometimes. A year ago I had a 100 pounds to lose and I KNEW how to get there. Well, I did it. Now I’m kinda like…”um, ookay…now what?”

I stay on my normal, fairly strict diet throughout the week. I don’t eat out, I don’t eat bad, I just do what I’ve been doing. Then on the weekend, I’m more relaxed. I don’t go binge crazy, but I do usually eat out once or twice! I’m 24 and I have to be practical and I know that I can’t go the rest of my life WITHOUT eating out. So, I allow myself to do this on the weekends usually one time. And even then I’m incredibly conscious of what I order. I do healthy. Grilled chicken, veggies, etc. This weekend I let myself eat frozen yogurt and the most amazing place on the earth..and for the first time … I didn’t feel guilty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With all that said, I want to lose 13 more pounds, I think. I am really confused as to what to do most of the time because I’m fairly happy with the size I am now. I want to get more tone! But as far as how clothes fit…I’m okay with this. I’m a size 6/7, which is unreal…I can’t even believe I can say that. But…I feel good, HEALTHY!!!!! But, there is this voice in the back of my head that says’ keep pushing’. So I think I will try to lose these last 13 pounds.

Sometimes I just wish I had someone to talk about all this with. Someone that could tell me what the right size for me is, how to properly maintain, etc. But the gyms in this town are a JOKE. I had a trainer and I still see him periodically, but he’s the kinda trainer that will schedule an appointment with you and then only show up when he feels like it. I can’t justify giving my money to someone like this..so alas..im sorta on my own! Is it weird that I literally pray that God will send me friends that crave this lifestyle as much as I do? Because I literally PRAY for that.

Anyways, this post has been all over the place, but that is a little bit of what is on my mind. NOW, I’ve managed to lose a couple more pounds the last week or so…soooo here is the current.

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Weigh: 155.0
Today's Weight: 153.0 Loss: 2 Pounds
Total Weight Loss (so far): 102 pounds

Friday: 153 pounds

NOW, brace yourself, if you don't wanna see stomach, don't proceed! I have taken progress pics along the way of my stomache, leggs, arms, etc. Probably weird to some, but helps me see how far I've come when I feel like I see no difference. Anyways, the first pic was in Dec after losing about 30 pounds....

It's crazy to me how I can't tell a difference until I look back at these photos.

These pics have nothing to do with weightloss, but they are a little of what I've been doing lately...spending time with friends that have moved back in town. This is typical. Arguing over something I'm sure.

Friends. Yeah, those are sunglasses inside....She is practicing the guido look.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Never forget-10 years later

2011-09-11T16:07:00.001-07:00

I bought a people magazine the other day that had "children of 9/11" on the cover. Talk about heartbreak! I cried for a good hour before closing the cover to that magazine, trashing it, and putting it out of my mind. If only it were that easy though. There's no just 'closing the magazine' on that day. No forgetting.

I was in ninth grade. A naive young girl from Arkansas. I had never heard of the twin towers and had no clue that there were people in the world that truly had no value of human life. I knew no one in the twin towers, no one in the pentagon, no one on the plane that was crashed in a field that carried heros, and no passenger on any of the other planes overtaken by cowards. My life didn't dramatically change from 9/11, but my heart did!

I remember every single detail from that day. What class I was in...science. The reactions of my teachers...frantic. What I did after school, what I was wearing, even what I ate for dinner that night. Such insignificant details. I also remember going to bed that night terrified. Terrified of what would happen next, and confused, so confused.

I think I can remember that day so clearly because it was the day I realized that there was no safety or justice in the world. That tragedy happens and no one is immune to that. That sometimes things happen that are so unexplainable, avoidable, and devastating that it's hard to know how to go on with life. That tears and heartache are inevitable and each day holds mysteries that will happen despite our fears. That day..shook me. And still 10 years later, I'm as confused as ever.

I'll never get it. Never understand why. I do know I'm so proud to be an American! I'll never understand even an ounce of the grief experienced that day...and honestly..I'm thankful for that! My heart aches for these people. My chest tightens for those that witnessed this first hand, I don't think we will ever be the same.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

100 pounds lost.

2011-09-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

This actually happened last week. I'm FINALLY at 155. You know when you wait for something for so long, then it comes...and you're like "okay, what the crap do I do now?" ....That's basically how I felt when I saw 155 on the scale. ACTUALLY, what I saw was 154, but you know how fluctuating goes. After a week, I've finally settled in quite nicely at 155.

ANYWAYS, back to the point....I was happy, but a tad bit overwhelmed. I'm getting closer and closer to my goal weight. This has been my focus for the past year, my passion, my LIFE...It's overwhelming really. I don't want to ever screw it up. Losing 100 pounds is an amazing thing, but the pressure of KEEPING IT OFF is something completely different. I worry, like 24/7 about it lately. About food in general. If I go out once a month with friends for frozen yogurt, is that bad? If I eat this or this, will that make me gain?" It's constantly in the back of my mind. These stupid, persistent, ANNOYING questions I plague myself with.

I saw my 100 pound loss post going very different. I saw myself celebrating and being ecstatic, but this is my blog..and I want to be honest...it freaking scares me. 15 pounds left. Then the fun of maintaining it comes in to play. I KNOW how to lose, I KNOW how to work out, I KNOW what foods to stay away from... But, I've lost weight before and put it all back on plus some. What makes this time so different?(more annoying questions I ask myself)

Anyways, regardless of how I may seem like a crazy lunatic in this post...for those of you who have made it this far...I AM HAPPY, but I'm also scared...and that's just the bottom line.

I'm still not making any sense here lol.

Really crappy progress pic. Me @ 155 pounds

9.1.11 @ 155 pounds-100 pound loss

things i'm lovin'

2011-08-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

You ever just have those "omg, how the heck did my life get here" days? No? Oh okay. Well, I do. I'm 24. I have no career. I have two college degrees(almost) under me and NO one on this planet wants to hire me. I am living at home with my mommy (don't hate, free rent) and I'm stuck in the same town I have been most of my life.

Yep, that's my day. It's been really ~~freakin' bad~~ awesome.

Anyways, on days like today, I remind myself "Ashley, YOU have options. Yes you work two less than desirable jobs, yes you don't make crap, but hey you are getting school paid for 100% and you will have a Master's in a few months. IT'LL BE WORTH IT" Yeah, I talk to myself too. I give myself little pep talks, I whine and complain, then I realize, I NEED TO SHUT THE H UP and just be happy with the wonderfulness the Lord has blessed me with. So, thank you God!

So i'm blowing this bad day to pieces by illegally using the internet at my job (they prefer me to sit and twiddle my fingers while staring at a wall) by posting some things I love. Enjoy.

My three amigos. This is my best guy friend Cody. I don't think he understands how amazing he is.

I love that when I take 2 seconds to put my hair up like this it.....

Turns out crazy, curly, messy like this.

I love my bf. a lot. He is seriously the sweetest person to walk the earth. I know all girls say that, but if you only knew him, you would die.

The waterfall braid. I'm loving this. If only I k new how to do this to my hair.

I love getting tweeted by celebrities, EVEN the D-list ones. Bhahaha, it's become a game of sorts with a friend of mine. YES, that is Cory Matthews from boy meets world. Do you guys have twitter???? follow me ashmann1

I love the taste of this coffee and the fact that it only has 70 calories. Better than Starbucks, or maybe i've just been deprived too long.

I love that fact that I can still wear a few of my big clothes if I cinch them at the waist with my H&M belt.

I love love love my new cruiser bike. Yes, that is a basket you see. All 24 year old girls have baskets on their bike. "If she has a basket on her bike #shestooyoungforyoubro" Jersey Shore reference anyone? No? Good, i don't watch that trash either;)

Girls nights in downtown with my bff and my cute niece puppy Chloe.

My precious, sweet, funny choodle Chino. He loves his mama.

Yummy snacks that make eating healthy easy. Low fat cream cheese, cool whip, sugar free chocolate. Throw it in an ice tray, let freeze. DELICIOUS.

Ridiculous convos with friends that make me giggle all day.

These beautiful steve madden boots that I'm drooling over. I want to OWN YOU!

1 MORE POUND

2011-08-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I woke up and went climbing with a friend of mine who is home from Korea. It was an amazing time being able to catch up with him. While in Korea he has lost 40 pounds, so we def had things to talk about and relate to each other with. It's so nice having good friends to talk to about weight loss.

Love this guy. We graduated college together and life has taken us very different ways. I'll always cherish my college friends and the time we do get to spend together.

ANYWAYS, after a 3 hour workout session of climbing the mountain I was pretty much dead the rest of the day. It's the first time I had went in over a month due to the overwhelming heat wave my state is experiencing. I'm tired of the heat and being cooped up in the gym instead of being able to do workouts outdoors. SO READY FOR FALL. Regardless, I can truly say there is NOTHING like a good workout.

After I got home I weighed myself, and this little jewel showed up on the scale finally. 156!!!! I didn't post it yesterday b/c i like to consistently weigh something for a few days before I count it as a loss or gain. I am officially down to 156 and if you've been following my journey at ALL you know that officially means I am 1 pound away from a 100 pound loss! OH HAPPY DAY! I'm excited to see that number on the scale. I'm actually more excited to see the 140's b/c I'm pretty sure I haven't weighed that since I was like 5 lol. It was a nice surprise seeing I've been struggling with a lot lately as far as staying on track and keeping motivated. I guess that just goes to show what happens when I do though:)

156!!!!!!

Hopefully the 100 pound loss will happen this week.

I've attached some really silly pics here. I had job interviews this week and seeing that I HAVE PRACTICALLY NO WARDROBE THESE DAYS I had to go shopping to try to find something for the interviews. I tried on silly stuff I would never wear, basically just to see if I could fit. Size 6 and 8. WOO. Do you guys do this? Or am I just a freak?

I would never wear this, ESPECIALLY on a job interview bahahah, BUT it was a size 6 so I wanted to see if I could squeeze into it.

I actually liked this outfit, but I am still pretty self conscious and didn't want to be pulling and tugging the whole time.

This is her!!! SERIOUSLY, go visit her blog. It's here

On a completely UNRELATED note my friend, who you can find here, is starting this whole weight loss journey herself. I am very proud of her and excited. THE BEST PART is that she is moving back to the town I live in so now we can be workout buddies. This girl has been my best friend for years. I would count her more of a sister though. We have known each other our entire lives, even started college together, eventually became roommates, we've had our ups and we've had our downs, and experienced about anything you can think of. We've laughed, cried, yelled, cussed, and anything else you can imagine at one another. But here we are, all these years later...best friends. I'm excited as she starts a new journey of bettering her life, not just with weight loss, but with going back to school! I'm proud of you sista. ANYWAYS, followers, you guys should check her out and send her some love.

I hope you guys all had an amazing weekend. I start my final year of grad school this Wednesday. Happy, excited, dreading, hopeful etc. ALL IN ONE. I'm not ready for life to get so busy again, but I am ready to be done.

Random pic of myself. READY FOR 155!!!

Setbacks.

2011-08-14T21:44:00.001-07:00

Ive never understood the term binge eating until tonight. Even after my last post of getting back on track 100% I'm still having a difficult time! I'm discouraged and definitely bogged down by all this sugar and heavy food tonight.

I'm disappointed with myself.

I'm glad tomorrow is a new day. I hope to do better.

Why is this still so difficult after 10 months?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

ugh.

2011-08-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

I've started trying to reevaluate my diet lately and the more I do the more appalled I become. I have ate like CRAP lately. I've had the most amazing summer with tons of vacations which is unusual for me. I was blessed to go to Cozumel, Destin, Galveston etc. All these vacations were great, but they allowed me to make ALLOWANCES for my diet for far too long. Don't get me wrong, I know there are tons of people out there that DO NOT believe in cheat days and think that they are HUGE set backs etc. Maybe even some of you reading this blog feel that way, but I don't. I think that having a small slice of cake or a lowfat frozen yogurt once every couple weeks is okay. It helps keep me sane and it shows me that I truly can do this clean eating thing forever. Disagree? That's completely fine. But I have lost 98 pounds allowing myself to do this every once in a while, so for me...I think it's a good system. WITH THAT SAID...my cheat day has turned into a cheat month. I do pretty well most of the day, but slightly after lunch I start stressing about dinner and then snacks etc. This is a new thing for me. I attribute this to the fact that vacation truly a vacation from my healthy eating. UGHHHH.

I've also started doing this weird thing that if I eat ONE thing I think I shouldn't I'm like "well forget it...I already screwed up for the day, so why not eat that second chip."

Anyways, the reason I'm typing all this out is because I want to be held accountable. I want to feel good about myself again like when I was losing and more than anything, I want to reach my goal. I can't do that doing what i'm doing now.

The old Ashley would wait for Monday to get back on track. She would say "forget it, I've already screwed up too much this week" THIS ASHLEY is not going to do that though. This Ashley is starting tom morning. I'm getting back on track. I can do this.

weigh in.

2011-08-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

Where has the summer went? I really can't believe I start my final year of grad school in 2 weeks. Crazy.

I've been applying like mad for jobs. I work two part time jobs now. Each are scholarship stipend based, one pays for my tuition, the other pays off a little chunk of my student loans. With that said, you can imagine that outside of those wonderful benefits...I make practically nothing a month. I'm 24 and I'm just ready to start a career. I'm been so blessed with these opportunities, but I feel ready to move on. So, job searching, phone interviews, and all that fun stuff is what my life has been consumed with the past few weeks. Here's the problem though...if I don't find a job by the time school starts I have to sign a new contract for both jobs....which lasts a year. So I'm praying and hoping an opportunity will come along. I have an interview next Monday at a university as the admissions director. Something about the opportunity and the university doesn't seem right though. If the job is offered and I do accept it...I will be moving an hour away. Big decisions coming up. I feel sick even thinking about it all.

I've been eating way more than normal lately. I think it's been both good and bad. I think I was hitting a plateau and needed to up my calories a little bit. It seems to be working because I'm officially down a few pounds. It's crazy how much slower the weight is falling off these days. TWO POUNDS AWAY FROM A HUNDRED POUND LOSS.....o...m...g.

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Weigh in 7/8/11: 163.4
Today's Weight 8/9/11: 157.2 Loss: 6.2
Total Weight Loss(so far): 97.8

6.2 pounds in a month. I'm not impressed. Have any of you experienced very slow weight loss as you got closer to your goal? If so what did you do? I'd love to get some input.

Happy Tuesday.

rants.

2011-08-07T14:53:00.000-07:00

I try to stay pretty upbeat on my blog. I don't like to complain, but something happened today and it hit me pretty hard.

Throughout this journey I've been blessed with some REALLY REALLY amazing supportive people. My boyfriend, my trainer, and a few friends. But I've also had to overcome several negative influences, comments, hateful remarks etc. along the way from people that I considered good friends.

I have friends that will make hateful remarks to me about weight loss. I don't understand this at all. Isn't it easier to be an encourager? But more than this, I've had family members do the same. Two in particular that I always felt semi close too. They each will talk to me about weight loss, but the minute I say a word...I'm shut down. A few weeks ago one of these family members got on a the weight loss bandwagon and I was so happy and pumped for her. She text me and told me she lost 2 pounds the first week and I did everything to be excited and to encourage her to keep going. Yet in the past, this is one of the people who was ignored my need for encouragement or just to simply talk about anything in my life. TODAY, another situation occurred. A family member began to tell me he was going to start the insanity workouts soon. I was like "that's so great, good luck, i hear it really works" we talked for a minute and I began to tell him I was very excited because I was finally 3 pounds away from my 100 pound goal and that it was going to be an amazing feeling to actually get there. He looks at me with a smirk, gets up, and walks away. I was left feeling very defeated. I don't get people that want to make others feel bad. And MAYBE they don't even realize they do it? I don't know....i really don't understand this. I know it's hurtful though. It makes me feel completely alone. That I have to keep everything bottled up at all times around my family. Which I usually do anyways. I don't have a super close family by any means, but that doesn't mean this actions are any less hurtful. It's been pretty consistent for years. I just wish I could deal with these issues in a better way and not let them get to me like I do.

Tomorrow is a new day though. I will work on tuning out the negative.

Comparison Photos

2011-08-02T13:46:00.000-07:00

Throughout this whole process I've had a difficult time with self-esteem. I'm a typical girl and I know I am a lot more hard on myself than I should be. But even with losing almost 100 pounds I still look in the mirror everyday and critique myself and put myself down. Lately, I've been trying to do better on that. I'm trying to remind myself I have a LOT to be thankful for and I'm not the same girl I was 10 months ago.

Earlier today I was going through pictures on my phone deleting some old ones AND I came across some pics. I was literally shocked when I saw these pics...and it was the first time that I def realized I looked different. It was probably my "aha moment" of the this entire journey.

255 pounds. WOW. my face here...huge.

Saturday night, getting ready to go out with my bff. 159 pounds.

255 pounds. I cannot get over this pic. I never realized how big I really was. my arms...ugh i die.

Saturday night. 159 pounds.

I can't wait to do progress photos when I get down to my desired weight!

150's and progress photos

2011-07-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

What a long week. After being in the car for 18 hours I had a few days at home, which was nice. But I leave again tomorrow for Florida. I love the ocean, so I won't complain, but I will say....it would be much sweeter if we were flying.

This week I worried about being away from home and eating out so much. I tried to make healthy choices, but even with that my working out was limited. I usually work out 6 days a week, but 3 days this week it was impossible to work out. So when I got home I KILLED it at the gym. I'm feeling it too, i'm so achy. Anyways, missing 3 days didn't seem to harm me too much though as I FINALLY made it to the 150's. Barely! But I don't care...i'll take it.

I was shocked when I saw 159 on the scale. I think I screamed a little bit. I'm now 4 pounds away from losing 100 pounds. It's so insane. It seems like I just started this journey yesterday. It's been so hard, but when I see how far I've come...i get sooo soo soo happy and inspired to just.keep.pushing.

I'm 5'8 and for my height I am FINALLY in the "healthy range" or "normal weight" range for my height. That is such a sweet feeling. I started this journey to make sure I was as healthy as I could possibly be. So to know that I am finally there....YAYYY!!!!! I don't know how much more weight I want to lose, but I am going to keep pushing myself for a while longer to lose more weight before I start a maintenance program.

One thing I am very glad about is having random progress photos in my phone from this whole process. It is extremely motivating to look back at the last 10 months and see the changes in myself. The following pics were taken Friday night. Please ignore the messiness of my bf's apt lol!

159 pounds/size 8

4 POUNDS AWAY FROM 100! Let's do this thing.

Just Beachy

2011-07-18T19:21:00.001-07:00

Today we went to the beach in Galveston! It was a nice day! The water is pretty murky and gross but it was a fun day nonetheless!!! next week I'll get to see the blue waters of Florida and spend some quality time with my momma! Looking forward to it very much!

I'm trying to watch my eating!! We are staying with c's family now so I won't be back to working out till I get home on Wednesday! 3 days without working out kills me when I'm use to working out 6 days a week!

Today was the first time in my life I went to the beach and wasn't embarrassed by the way I looked! Don't get me wrong, I'm still SEVERELY self conscious about my body...but I'm reminding myself that I'm 93 pounds smaller than I was last year!!

Anyways, these pics are goofy, but here is some of what we did today...complete with a MASSIVE forever 21

I felt so safe lol

I love f21, this one was almost too big! Too much stuff to the point I left with only a bag!

93 pounds smaller! Yay for weight loss:)

The love of my life!!!

The end!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011-07-16T12:06:00.001-07:00

I'm blogging from the road!!! I'm on a 10 hour trip to Houston to visit the bf's parents ! I usually love road trips, but we are only 30 mins in and I'm ready to be there!

Before trip!

We ran the mountain again today! It was humid and gross so it made for a difficult run, but nonetheless it burns some major calories and is a great workout!

happy Saturday!

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Runs and Rambles

2011-07-13T07:27:00.000-07:00

It is SOOOO hot you guys. I've read several blogs this morning of people complaining about the weather. Doesn't it seem hotter than usual? I was watching good morning america while at the gym today and my city and a city about an hour away were the top two hottest cities in the US....O.M.G. I don't ever remember it being so miserable out. So those of you complaining about your 95 degree weather...BE GRATEFUL. I went to the dentist yeseterday for a filling and they were talking about how they cooked cookies on the dashboard of their car yesterday morning.....unbelieveable.

We did get a random thunderstorm this morning. It lasted like 10 minutes but it was such a nice break from such intense weather. Thankfully I leave Saturday for the next week for 2 weeks. I will be in texas and then the following week florida. This summer I have traveled SO much and it has been wonderful, but it makes it hard to not indulge and stay on a heatlhy eating plan. I'm particularly worried about next week b/c I will be with the bf's family and they tend to eat out for every meal. I'm going to have to get crafty about my snacks and meals.

Summer classes finally ended. I can't believe I graduate in May with my Master's degree. I amazes me how quickly time flies. Summer classes are always so intense, but I managed 2 A's and I couldn't be more excited.

Some women from my running club were running/walking up this HUGEEEEEEEEE mountain near our town last Satruday. I have contemplated going with them several times...but this mountain is...MASSIVE!!!!!! It's scary to drive up, let alone, run or walk up. It's literally a direct incline. But my mom really wanted to do it..so I agreed and we got up SUPER early to beat the 115 degree heat index and started our trek. It took about an hour to get to the top. It was HORRIBLE! lol. Absoulutely miserable. But so worth it. It was such a good workout. I could hardly move the next day, but I can't wait to do it again. We had to walk pretty slow on the way down because it was so unbelievable steep that one wrong step would send you flying off the mountain. On the way down I was telling my mom how amazing it is that we just did something NEITHER of us could have done a year ago. A year ago I was probably sitting on a couch somewhere eating potatoe chips and moaning about my life. It's truly amazing to think how far one can come in a year. It's the first step that is the hardest though. I will be endlessly grateful to myself (if that makes any type of sense) that I took that first step.

This was at the bottom of the mountain. Doesn't look too bad right? It just got worse and worse.

weigh in

2011-07-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's been a very long while since I have done an official weigh in. Since April 15th actually. I went back to find my weight then and here are my stats

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Weigh in 3/27/11: 188.8
Today's Weight 4/15/11: 181.2
Loss:7.6
Total Weight Loss(so far): 73.8

My weight loss has drastically slowed down in the last few months. At first I was pretty angry about it. I didn't know WHAT I was doing wrong. But lately I'm realizing...I'm on the home stretch. The pounds are coming off and I AM getting closer to my goal weight. I'm trying to have the mentality that as long as I'm losing each month then I have nothing to get down on myself over. I am still working out, running, eating clean, and trying my hardest and at the end of everyday...that's all I can do. This journey is such a hard one. It messes with my mind and I find myself in a battle against myself at least once a day. There's really not much one can do...except push on. Stay steady. Conquer your mind and quit telling yourself "this is impossible" AND JUST DO IT!

My sweet boyfriend told me a few days ago, as we sat at the lake talking, that he had really felt convicted to be the best version of himself he could be. In every area of his life. He wants to be the best teacher to his students, the best coach to his players, the best son and brother, the best friend, and the best boyfriend he can possibly be. He said once he started looking at life that way it changed. His perspective on things changed. He started noticing that difference shining in aspects of his life. You don't ALWAYS do things that turn out PERFECTLY, things don't always happen as quickly as you might want, or go as smoothly...but if you are BEING the best version of YOURSELF then there is nothing to be ashamed of or mad at.

With that said....I'm trying hard to be the best version of myself. I want to beat this mental battle. I will conquer it, give it 100%, and rest well at night knowing I am being the best Ashley I can be.

Today's weigh in. 17.8 pounds in 2 months...not earth shattering, but it's something..and I refuse to feel bad about that number. HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE! Have a wonderful weekend.

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Weigh in 4/15/11: 181.2
Today's Weight 7/8/11: 163.4
Loss: 17.8
Total Weight Loss(so far): 91.6

food overload.

2011-07-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

Friday I posted a pic of my current weight. 164. AHH, such a relief..but I'm pretty sure I sabotaged myself.

Friday night I hit the road to spend the weekend with my best friend celebrating her bday. Friday night a group of friends went out to dinner, a little music venue, and then eventually went out dancing. We went to a pizza joint for dinner downtown...there was NO options except pizza...or..pizza. So I had two slices and then a slice of bday cake. We were out till 5 am dancing, slept for 3 hours, then got up and headed to a water park where I had a snowcone! I didn't eat HORRIBLE. Definitley not what I would normally eat though. And my water intake was DRASTICALLY lower and I ate about 8 hours a part which I don't think is good for me. I notice way more results when I eat very small meals about every 3 hours.

Today has been a weird eating day too. It's the fourth of JULY so we do a huge bbq with the fam...I eat too much then feel guilty! BLAH.

I'm ready to get back on track. Summer has proven to be more difficult for me considering I've been traveling so much.

I work for the next 9 days then I will be gone for the following 2 weeks to the beach...2 completely different trips...2 different states..with different people. It's going to be crazy to eat right and work out. Any suggestions for healthy eating when traveling?

I hope you are all having a good fourth:)

9 'till 100

2011-07-01T06:28:00.001-07:00

Today is an amazing day. 1.) bc it's Friday 2.) bc it's the last day of my grad summer classes 3.) it's my bffs bday and I'm ready to head out of town for the weekend to hang out with friends and ring in her bday and 4.) BECAUSE OF THIS....

164.2 babbyyy! I'm 9 pounds away from having lost 100! Unreal. So happy and excited about this!

Happy Friday, everyone! Have a wonderful long weekend!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

food.

2011-06-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

For almost 9 months I have been practicing eating clean. Of course, I haven't always been perfect at this...but I have done pretty well considering my starting weight was 255. I learned to control my cravings. But this last month or so has been HORRIBLE! I am craving everything. Pasta and icecream mainly! gah. I broke the plateau but I I've ate frozen yogurt way too much lately. I try to rationalize by telling myself it's low fat..but that's pretty much crap. How do you guys battle off cravings?

2 days in

2011-06-21T15:24:00.001-07:00

2 days of doing p90x abs down!! I can hardly move which leads me to believe it might actually be working! I've been doing this on top of my gym time so I'm hoping I'll see more results sooner:)

Also, I'm blogging from my phone which I've never done! Yay!

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it's on.

2011-06-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

okay p90x. it's on. today. you and me. really this time.

p90what?

2011-06-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

So, last week I said I was going to start doing p90x in addition to my gym workouts....it didn't happen. I pretty much made up some excuse EVERY day not to do it.

Then last night ,after I gorged myself on sugar free chocolate(ugh), I managed to convince myself that p90x probably really doesn't work so there is no point in doing it. Which now that i've had my 8 hours I realized is stupid because any additional exercise will help me. AHHH!

Weekends are hard for me lately as far as the eating healthy thing goes. I've been out of town and eating out with friends. I try to eat healthy, but it's not always easy. It's not ACTUALLY the meals that have been getting me..it's the extra stuff. Friday night I kept my nephew and niece and they wanted to roast s'mores over the fire pit. So we went and bought the stuff, which is why I had sugar free hershey's, and we did it. I ate 3 small s'mores and I thought that was okay. Then I tallied up the calories and realized that was a whopping 230 calories I had consumed in like 2 mins. UGH! Then I completely skipped dinner last night and about 10:00 realized I was starving and since I was going out with friends I knew it would be a late night...so I ATE CHEESE PUFFS???? Not only is this weird b/c it's a terrible thing to eat when you are trying to lose the last 20 pounds of your 100 pound journey...but I never even ate those things when I was extremely overweight. Weird.

I know i've asked you guys this question before. But how do you decide what your END goal weight should be. The weight that you get to and maintain??? I'm 5'8, I'm at 167 pounds, and I have a medium frame. All of my weight is carried in my lower body though therefore I'm able to wear a size 8-10 at the moment which i'm okay with. But I want to be in a healthy range. According to my BMI I am still overweight.

One thing I'm noticing about weight loss is just when I think I actually have it figured out...I surprise myself...with things like cheese puffs and massive amounts of chocolate. I realize that i'm not going to be the perfect 100% clean eater ALL OF THE TIME. I try to remind myself I HAVE LOST 88 POUNDS and I didn't do that by being lazy. There will be bad days..but I will follow them up by GREAT DAYS and the one thing I do KNOW for sure....this thing is truly a lifelong journey.

23.

2011-06-16T13:55:00.000-07:00

This is sort of a random post for me. But it's something I try to do every year on my birthday. I try to look over the previous year and see what I've accomplished, what I haven't done, and decide what I want to do differently in the coming year. 23 was a big year for me...and my bday was actually May 29th, so this is a little late..but here goes

23 things I did in my 23rd year:

23.) brought in my 23rd bday without my best friend for the first time...like ever. It was hard.
22.) Lived with friends
21.) helped the love of my life move 3 hours CLOSER to me:):)
20.) started my LAST semester of college
19.) applied for my first BIG girl job
18.) interviewed and got turned down by said job.
17.) Watched my precious nephew start kindergarten
16.) paid my first car off:) ALL BY MYSELF! WOO
15.) started a new job
14.) admitted to myself I was massively overweight and needed to do something about it.
13.) road tripped with new friends
12.) landed ANOTHER job that would pay for my graduate school tuition (i now work 2 jobs)
11.) moved back home while I finish grad school
10.) ran my first MILE EVER.
9.) started riding my bike everywhere
8.) learned to let go of things holding me back
7.) gained confidence
6.) for the first time ever realized i ACCOMPLISH what i put my mind too and i love that about myself
5.) booked my first out of the country trip
4.) Ran my first 5K
3.) Graduated college
2.) Finished my first semester of graduate school
1.) Lost 80 pounds and I'M still going

23 was probably the biggest year of my life so far. Not only did i become the first person in my family to graduate college I also ran my first 5K. These things are CRAZY for me. College was such a huge accomplishment, but running my first 5K truly signified a new chapter of my life. It's crazy to look at a college degree as something that is so much more attainable than weight loss..it shouldn't be that way! It was for me though. I thought i was stuck. I thought I was someone that could never change. It.felt.too.hard. BUT HERE I AM...8 months later...i wish i could go back in time and hug the Ashley that took the first step. She changed my life. I'm still unsure what my "goal" weight is. But I am sure I will get to whatever it is..and i AM SURE when im there I will maintain it...there's no looking back!

24..I'm excited to see what you hold.

170ish pounds progress photo!! Man...why WILL BLOGGER NOT LET ME ROTATE MY IMAGES???
even when i load them the right way they turn them sideways...suggestions?

Broken Plateaus

2011-06-12T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY broken 175. After 2 months...GAH. relief. I thought I would never see the stupid scale move.

I've been missing in blogland for the last month, but I have been so incredibly busy. School ended and work got crazy for a while. I then went to St. Louis with a group of friends for a few days, came back, then went on vacation with friends. We went on a cruise to Cozumel. It was such an amazing time. I got completely off my regular eating schedule though and drastically reduced my water intake while on vacation. I ate ice cream and deserts a few nights too. I DID however work out every single day on the cruise. They had an AMAZING gym and I got up every morning and went!

When I got home from the cruise I was SURE I had gained weight....BUT I WAS DOWN TO 168.0. i really have no clue what happened to make me finally break the plateau but I'm so glad.

With that said, my eating has BEEN HORRIBLE!!! I've been to lenient and while I haven't gained any weight I just feel gross. I'm sluggish and just blah. I still want to lose about 23 or so pounds...So it's time to get serious again.

Tomorrow I'm adding p90x to my daily workouts and i'm excited to see if it will change anything.

I'm heading to the beach for a week in July, i would REALLY REALLY love to lose 10 pounds by then, while that seems doable..my weight loss keeps getting slower and slower...any tips or suggestions welcome:)

1.7.5.

2011-05-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

I swear, If i see 175 on the scale for one more day I'm going to scream. I don't know what else to do. I'm working out so hard...running MILES everyday...lifting weights....cutting carbs....and alas...175...stares right back up at me every morning! SO.ANNOYING.

I knew I was going to hit plateaus. I have to be realistic...I've lost 80 pounds since October and it fell off pretty quickly..I knew it would slow down eventually, BUT SERIOUSLY. 175...for this long. OMGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please someone..tell me what I can do. I'm so close to my goal for this to hang me up for so long.

I also took my monthly progress picture this morning...and I don't even notice a difference AT ALL from last month. What is going on here?

refocusing.

2011-05-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

I was looking back over a few of my old blogs and realized that I've only lost a few pounds in the last month! I've said this before and I'll say it again...I know weightloss is going to go slower now that I'm getting closer to my target weight! I know that it'll be more of a struggle...but it STINKS!

With that said..I should not use this time as to get lazy on my eating habits. If anything I need to focus more! So....i know this going to be a bit of a challenge, but I'm going to post what I eat everyday on here! I want to hold myself accountable for it all. So until June 1st I will be posting daily about what I eat. If you see me slipping up on certain days or notice a trend of something negative...please let me know! I WANT TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a completely different note, Sunday nights are fun cooking nights! Me and my bf always use Sundays as an opportunity to cook something fun and different! It's a tradition that I adore ad we have so much fun together! Last night we made healthy southwestern egg rolls and they were SO delicious! If anyone is interested in the recipe let me know and I will post it!

Tonight I will post my food diary:) Happy Monday!

My First 5K.

2011-05-08T19:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days in my life. SERIOUSLY!!! You know how there are those days in life that you just never ever forget. Saturday, May 7th 2011 will be one of those in my life.

Most of the times though..those days don't go off perfectly! There will always be those things that happen! Friday morning about 3 am I woke up and could hardly move my leg. I had no pain the night before when I ran so I didn't know WHAT IN THE WORLD it could be. It was a burning feeling and my leg was so stiff feeling. I got up and walked around and it felt a little better so I went back to bed. When I finally got up that morning it was still hurting pretty bad and even now I'm not sure the cause of that. I know I somehow strained or pulled my hamstring. The only thing I can think of is the fact that I never stretch properly before or after runs! 1.) Stretch before and after running. Lesson Learned.
I got up later and ate and hit the gym. Worked out for a while and then met my mom to head out of town for our 5K. When we got into the town we went shopping for hours and then checked into the hotel about 3. We both realized we had NOT ate and basically had just snacked on stupid stuff all day. I was STARVING, but because we were attending a race event that night that had food we decided to just wait it out and not eat until then.   2.) Never miss my healthy snacks and wait until 7:30 pm to eat after not really eating ALL DAY LONG. Lesson Learned.

When we finally arrived at the race event it was a MESS! There was so many people there and it was a little chaotic. We both looked at each other, decided to pick up our race packets, and then we LEFT! One of my friends was in town so we all decided to meet up for dinner at her pick....CHILI'S. Chili's use to be one of my favorite restaurants...pre diet. But since I started losing weight I haven't even considered going. But because it was a "special weekend" and because I have been feeling so deprived...I agreed. I ate pasta because that's what they were serving at the pre race event and I thought...."carbs...running..sure that makes sense"...I also ate salsa....2 eggrolls...some artichoke dip...a buffalo wing...oh and some of my friends leftover icecream. 3) DON'T EAT LIKE THIS...YOUR BODY IS NOT USE TO IT AND YOU WILL GET SICK! Lesson Learned.

We were all pretty excited about the race and my friend decided to stay in town with us and be there for the race. After dinner we decided to go to the movies which didn't start until 10:30 pm. I didn't really consider the fact that we wouldn't be getting much sleep...I just went with it. The movie ended about 12:30 that night and we headed back across town to our hotel. I'm a horribly light sleeper and stayed in a room with a VERY loud snorer....horrible combination. I watched the clock tick by slowly all night long. I pleaded with God to let me sleep...lol...i'm so not kidding!!! I was stressed by this point because I realized..OMG I HAVE A PULLED HAMSTRING, I JUST GORGED MYSELF ON FOOD AND FEEL DEATHLY ILL, AND I'M GOING TO GET NO SLEEP...HOW WILL I RUN IN THE MORNING. Neeedless to say the last time I looked at the clock it was 5:15 am and the alarm went off at 6. 45 mins of sleep....horrible. 3.) Always get sleep before a race. Lesson Learned.

More horrible mistakes were made that morning such as drinking coffee which I know always makes me sick, but I needed energy and it was all I could come up with. Also eating banana nut bread when I'm not use to eating that stuff...more mistakes.

When we got to the actual race there were over 2,000 racers. It was crazy and I did NOT know what to expect. I was so nervous and in all honesty not in a very great mood. When it was time we all lined up. I was told there would be so many people there that our supporters wouldn't get in...but MAN that DID NOT STOP PEOPLE. There was soooooooooooo many people there supporting everyone. The streets were LINED with people. When I crossed the starting line I was running and I had the biggest smile on my face because there were so many people there cheering the women on. It was the coolest feeling ever.

Once I was well into the race I was still very pumped up and had so much adrenaline going. I usually stop periodically throughout my runs because I feel like I'm dying and need to breathe...but by 1.5 miles I was still doing great. I didn't start out with a pacer because I run pretty slow...but by about 1.5 mile I saw the 12 mile group pacer sign. I was like ....no way..did i really catch up with the 12 min mile??? I had caught up with them and actually we ended up running with the 11 min mile pacer group. It was such an amazing feeling. Everyone once in a while I would look over and would see that my mom was right there and I was just so thankful to have her. I mean really...WHO TAKES UP RUNNING AT 48???? She is so amazing and inspirational. I asked her a few times if she was alright or needed to slow down and she kept responding with "im fine if you're fine"...so we kept going. Throughout the race there were people at every intersection yelling at us and telling us how great we were doing! It was sooooo AMAZING! Finally I SAW the .5 miles to go..and I was so overwhelmed. I was choking back tears AND banana nut bread and all the JUNK I had ate the night before. I was determined not to cry OR throw up lol! We just kept going. When we reached one intersection people were there saying "you just have one more turn!" We made that last turn and there was a pretty big hill we had to run up...BUT I COULD SEE THE FINISH LINE. I just gave it all I had and pushed it! When I was almost to the finish line I looked over and saw my boyfriend and best friend standing there with signs that said "596 IS MY HERO!".....I was so happy and overwhelmed. I just could NOT get the smile off my face. When we finally hit the finish line I was just in shock. We had not stopped even one time, we didn't give up even though it was hard, we crossed that finish line together. I was so proud of us and I just kept telling my mom how thankful I was for her.

I don't know that I've ever felt that overwhelmed by something in my life. I didn't even feel that happy when I graduated college lol! This was just different to me. It marked something in my life that I NEVER thought I could do. If you would have asked me this time last year if I would weigh 80 pounds less and could run a 5K in less than a year... I would have LAUGHED in your face. It just was NOT feasible. But we did it. AND I placed 43 in my age group! Not amazing...but I will take my 37.31 anyday:)

We went back to the streets after the race and cheered on the rest of the runners. It was such a great feeling to see so many women accomplish such a huge goal. I'm so glad God placed me in my running clinic and allowed me to grow and blessed me with such an amazing group of women. I could have picked any 5K to run...but the fact that this was the one that we ran first really shows me that God knows my heart! I could not have asked for a better day or better run! Even though I made so many mistakes leading up to saturday morning..it went off PERFECTLY!!!!!! I'm still SO overwhelmed by the whole experience. Perfect day.

I think I'm addicted. Next race. May 21st. CAN'T WAIT!

Here are some pics from the race

After the race with my mom(left) and wonderful friend

Before Race..so nervous!!!!

Before Race! Boyfriend:)

My official time...I was pretty excited and forgot to turn it off until a couple mins after the race.

dreaming of white sand

2011-05-05T08:17:00.000-07:00

What a long week this has been. I can't say it enough...i'm ready for finals to be OVER!

Eating lately has been different. I find myself going through weeks that I seem to be a bottomless pit and feel hungry 24/7. Then weeks where I have NO appetite at all. I don't understand what the deal is here. To give you guys WAY too much information...it seems to all happen around the time my lovely monthly present visits. During that time I feel like I'm going to die if I don't have something yummy. I crave ICE CREAM and chocolate. Things I would otherwise not go near. It's hard! I get cranky and mad because I know I can't eat it. I try to compromise with myself. For instance, I have found that sugar free chocolate is AMAZING. Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've had REAL chocolate or maybe it's because it really does taste the same if not better...but I love it! 30 calories per one miniature size Hershey. That's a pretty good compromise.

Also, I haven't been ignoring my weekly or monthly weigh ins...it's just that I seem to be dropping less and less weight. Everyone warned me that this would happen, but it's SOOOOO annoying. I'm sitting at 175.8 as of this morning. It's GOING TO SLOW or it seems to be. I would love to be in the 160's by my birthday which is right around the corner...but these 5 pounds are hanging on for dear life.

OKAY, another thing...calories. When I first started trying to lose weight back in October I had no knowledge of what I was doing at all...there I was...all 255 pounds of me. I knew the basics....cut calories...work off more calories...lose weight...HOWEVER I didn't know what I was doing really. So, I stuck to a pretty firm 1200-1300 calorie diet. When I started working out more with a trainer at the gym he pulled me away from that a little and taught me to look at the nutritional value of what I was eating opposed to how many calories something necessarily had. For instance some of the special k or granola bars have anywhere from 80-200 calories in them...but they aren't as good for me nutritionally as something that is packed full of nutrients. ANYWAYS, my point is this....I feel like i'm either not consuming ENOUGH calories or maybe I'm consuming TOO many. Is there an easy way to figure out what I should be eating? I try to stay around 1200-1400 a day. But with this weight falling off so slowly I'm wondering what I should be doing differently?

I'm still dreaming of my trip to Cozumel in a few weeks. I can't wait to be relaxing with friends for a week!

just a few more days

2011-05-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

It's just a couple more days till my 5K! I'm so happy, nervous, excited...ahh! I never thought I would be able to run 1 mile...let alone 3!

I can't wait to cross the finish line. I won't lie. I have all these thoughts running through my head like "omg, what if i'm the last one!!!!" but you know what...even if i am...I WILL STILL COMPLETE IT!

Prayers are welcome over the week as I take graduate finals and FINISH MY FIRST YEAR OF GRAD SCHOOL ahhhhhhhhh! AND run a 5K in the midst of it all:)

Passions

2011-04-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

Since i've started this blog I've struggled to write in it. If you know me, you know I love to write. I have a degree in English and I love creative writing. With that said, this blog is hard for me. I don't know why, but every time I come here I struggle with what to say. I struggle with what this blog really is? And keeping the attention of those who take time to read it. I mean, for goodness sake, it is suppose to be a weight loss blog. But does that mean I can only write about weight loss? Psh, I dunno. But I do know sometimes there are things I want to say, to get out, to talk about...and 99% of the time it has nothing to do with weight loss. Weight loss is just a small part of who I am. I have lost 80 pounds. I do feel GREAT! But weight loss is NOT what defines me. I'm the same person I was before. Maybe happier and more driven, but ultimately very similar to THAT ASHLEY! So, that leads me to this. There are going to be days I ramble..and I write about things other than weight loss. When I write about GOD and life and passions...and that's okay! Because this doesn't have to be just ABOUT WEIGHT! I don't want WEIGHT to define who I am....

My heart breaks for things I see this week. So many tragedies that I can't wrap my mind around. My best friend's husband's parents lost everything in the tornadoes in Alabama last night. His grandmother, mom, and aunt are in the hospital and we are still unsure how they are doing. It's so crazy how everything in life can change in the blink of an eye. It reminds me how lucky I am to lay my head down every night and know that I'm right with God. To know and feel the calm from Him.

Something on my heart a lot lately is passion. It's so easy to get caught up in the mundane day to day activities that we forget to have goals and passions. My biggest fear in life is just settling. To not PUSHING myself. To not make myself better. To just take mediocore over amazing. To live my life with no purpose and to end my life not having made an impact. It's so easy to think our passions and desires are nothing more than silly dreams. Even if the world thinks it's stupid...we should constantly push ourself. In the wise words of Randy Pausch "brick walls weed out people who didn't want it bad enough."

So whatever your passions are...do them! Dance in the rain, stay up late, laugh all night, take a trip with friends, get in the car and DRIVE, sleep all day, make an impact, change the world....believe in yourself!

progress photos

2011-04-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

I am sooo ignoring all my obligations and being completely unproductive today! I just have no energy to complete these last couple projects for the semester! I really need to get on it, but I think I'll blog to buy some more time.


It won't let me rotate the pic, but my current weight is 178.2! that is a total weight loss of 76.8! I'm stoked!

Here are some random progress pics. It may be weird to some of you, but I like to be able to look back to where I started and see a difference. It's hard to do when you see yourself everyday...so these pictures are my way to see if I am really shrinking!!!!!!!!! lol.

I can see a difference! My goal weight when starting this was around 150-155. I have about 23-28 pounds left. I'm getting excited!!!! For the FIRST TIME in my life i bought a size 8 dress this weekend. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!! I was incredibly excited and I can't wait to wear it.

Yay for size 8! I am shocked. I keep telling myself it has to be the way the dress is made or something...that there is no possible way i'm in a size 8! But no matter what...i'll take this small victory even if I cannot squeeze myself into anything else of that size lol!

My body has toned up pretty nicely for losing 80 pounds. I'll be honest..the one area I am most self conscious about is my arms. They don't seem to have toned up AT ALL!!!!!!! It's driving me crazy...I'm hoping over time they will though!

Also, one really annoying thing to me about weight loss is CLOTHES!!! Recently I cleaned out my closet and gave away 3 huge garbage bags full of clothes. I still have so much left though. It's stupid to buy more clothes right now when I still plan on losing nearly 30 more pounds. So my plan is to just make do for the moment, wear dresses since they can fit longer, and just hold off on shopping until I finish losing the weight. ANYWAYS, if any of you weightloss bloggers out there would be interested in my hand me downs...let me know! I can ship a few pairs of pants, dresses, and shirts your way to help you get through. Most are size 18...shirts XL to XXL! Most are gap, target, etc. and are in great condition!

Running has been hard lately. It's rained and stormed everyday since Friday...and the treadmill is just NOT the same. We've had horrible severe weather in our state with almost 15 tornadoes touching down last night killing many people. Thankfully my town got a slight break from it last night, but a horrible tornado touched down about 40 miles up the road and destroyed a town. It's a horrible situation and they are saying our state has just seen round 1 as the next round of storms should be here by tonight! Prayers are welcome:).

5K's

2011-04-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

I booked a cruise last week with friends and I'm so excited about it! We are headed to the Caribbean in June! I CAN'T WAIT! A week of laying by the pool, on the beach, relaxing, laughter...it's the perfect end to this crazy semester of grad school.

If you've been following my blog at all..you know I've been running for a while now! My goal is a 5K May 7th. My mile has drastically improved..i just need to work on pace and consistency. Earlier this week my mom and I decided to just go do it. Instead of just focusing on the time...we decided just to focus on the WHOLE 3.2 miles. We stayed pretty consistent and although many people's jaws will drop at how long it took us...we still did it. AND it was the most emotional and best feeling.

ALSO...if any of you guys run and have an iPhone i recommend getting the nike plus sensor. The app comes free on the phone, but for it to work you have to have the sensor. It has been an amazing training tool and allows me to keep track of everything. Its only 30 bucks and totally worth it!


this is a screenshot from my phone of the actual finished app and our distance, time, pace, calories etc. YES it took us 43.57 to run 3.2 miles..but hey...i'll take it:) I will continue to improve and shave some of that time off.

weigh in.

2011-04-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Oh man, I'm so beyond happy to see Friday after the crazy week I've had.

One semester in undergrad I took 23 hours. It was a crazy time in my life where I was preparing to graduate college and say goodbye to friends, lived 3 hours away from the love of my life, and was getting ready to move. I always say that was the most trying time in my life for so many reasons. Graduating college was REALLY REALLY scary for me! I had plans, but as plans tend to do..they fell apart! Law school was what I THOUGHT my dream was until I woke up one day to realize....this is not what I want or need. After all the preparation and studying and looking and applying at law school....and then just deciding NOT to go?? Sounds crazy, right? I knew I would excel at it, but just because you CAN do something well does not mean it is what you HAVE to do. I felt utterly hopeless. Here I was on the brink of graduating COLLEGE which should have felt like the biggest accomplishment...but I was terrified! After much prayer I decided to stay in my hometown and go to grad school! Around this time I was offered two jobs, one teaching ESL classes to adults and the other as a graduate assistant at my university. One pays for school completely and the other pays off my student loans. IT WORKED OUT FLAWLESSLY! I guess I'm writing all this to say...when we think things in our life are at a standstill...God is working. I'm reminded so often how when we put our hope and faith in God...plans fall together and work out.

What does this have to do with weight loss? I've been feeling at a standstill lately with my weight! I have been discouraged, I get down on myself, I wonder WHAT'S THE POINT. Then I realize...anything in life worth having is worth working for. How can you go wrong when you stay faithful and dilegent? I'm reminded of that time in my life where I was so hopeless all I could do was pray, and then I'm overwhelmed with joy remembering how God worked it all out! SO, all of this ramble to say...if you are feeling hopeless.... Just keep on. So what if you run slower one day then you did the day before? Do better the next day. So what if you stay the same weight for 2 weeks. Just keep working out and making healthy choices! Even when you can't see it, there ARE CHANGES!

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Weigh in 3/27/11: 188.8
Today's Weight 4/15/11: 181.2
Loss:7.6
Total Weight Loss(so far): 73.8

progress photos and nonsense.

2011-04-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

I've made a decision. I'm not going to to this blogging my weight every week thing...because frankly there isn't that much change from week to week. Last Friday I weighed in at 189 I believe...and this week I'm weighing in at 187...but I figure it would make more sense to start posting this every couple weeks to a month! It'll show more progress! I'm not trying to take the easy way out here, because I'll be the first to admit that there are weeks I stay the same, but THEN the week after I lose 3-5 pounds. I don't know? Maybe that's normal. But I figure for the sake of sanity, once every couple weeks to once a month will suffice.

I've been getting extremely bored with the sameeeeeeeeeeeee workout routine day in and out. I only do weights and strength training 2days a week and cardio 4-5. I feel like I need to do more weights, but I love CARDIO! I was reading someone's blog this morning about doing two-a-day workouts and seeing better results...so maybe that's worth a shot? I'm really happy with my progress. BUT I have set a new goal...my birthday is May 29th and I want to be at 165 pounds by then. Is this unreasonable? That would be a 22 pound loss in 58 days. That seems tough....but I'm going for it! I also have P90X so maybe I can hit the gym in the mornings then do P90X at night..I hear it really works wonders!

Also, do I have any blog followers that run? If so please give me some advice here. I started running back in January. I've NEVER ran in my life. I have asthma so when I do run it feels like my chest is literally going to explode. I've worked through this a little bit. My fastest mile to date is 12:38. HOWEVER, each day when I run it gets slower and slower. Am I over thinking this and sabotaging myself? Any tips or words of wisdom are welcomed. I'm running a 5K in May and I'm starting to get a little worried. I can barely run a mile without feeling like death..how can I possibly do a 5K?

I'm so happy it's Friday. After a crazy busy week I'm ready to relax a little! I hope you guys all enjoy your weekends:)And just because it's Friday...I'm going to post some pics from when I first started this journey...and where I am now!

This picture was taken back in October right before I started this journey. 255 pounds, size 22, and almost 70 pounds ago.

This picture was taken a few weeks ago at 195 pounds. Please ignore the weird dressing room pic. I was trying to find a dress for a wedding and I had to take a picture of this dress to send to a friend. Weird? Yes, possibly;) SIZE 12. yays. Still a ways to go..but I'm happy to see progress.

Randomness.

2011-03-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

I'm glad to be back in the swing of things at work and school! Spring break was such a nice break from reality, but I'm ready to get this semester put behind me, it's hard to believe this time next year I will have my master's and moving on to the next phase in my life. I've been in school soooo long that I won't know what to do with myself...doctorate? lol.

I'm so happy for the opportunities that God has given me. I don't always show that in my life, and I want to work on that. It's funny how certain events in life can completely change your perspective about EVERYTHING. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to get an education, to make WHATEVER out of my life that I want, and to be whatever I desire. There is such freedom in that. There is freedom in taking charge of your own life too, with God guiding me of course. But, I feel like taking CHARGE of my weight has been such a huge blessing in my life. It's made me feel better about the way I look obviously and the my health! There's definitly something to be said about taking charge of your life. I don't always just do that..and I vow to myself from this moment forward...I'm taking charge of my life and my future.

I feel like the luckiest girl in the world some days..most days. I have such an amazing amazing life. I make bad decisions sometimes, I don't ALWAYS do what's best for me, I put myself in bad spots, I talk down to myself, I don't honor God always, and I'm certainly NOT always proud of who I am. But through it all, God is making and molding me into who HE wants me to be. No matter how many times I fail to the point I feel like God can never forgive me, I simply mutter a prayer and cry out to Him, and there He is to save the day. God has blessed me with the best family, literally some of the BEST friends, and the best guy who I can't wait to spend a lifetime with. Thank you, Lord for all your blessings.

I know this isn't real "weight loss blogish," but it was on my mind today.

weigh in....two weeks later

2011-03-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

Oh my, it's official. I'm a horrible horrible blogger. BUT, I have a semi excuse....it was spring break. I was out of town for part of it and then just completely relaxing on the other part...therefore I didn't take time to update. I will do better though.

My spring break was amazing. I was able to take a much needed break from worrying about everything grad school, just to relax and have fun. With the exception of ONE night, everything this week was perfect. I'm ready to finish out the semester now..and I'm ready for summer!

I skipped my weigh in for the last two fridays, but I will say...nothing much was missed. The first weigh in I managed to lose NOT A SINGLE POUND that week. However, this week it's a different story....a pretty big chunk of weight fell off and I can FEEL the different which is amazing. I switched up my excercise routine a little bit, and maybe that helped out some...anyways, here's the numbers.

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Week's Weight: 195.6
Today's Weight 3/27/11: 188.8
Weekly Loss: 6.8 pounds in two or so weeks!
Total Weight Loss(so far): 66.2

So, im officially in the 180's. It's a great feeling:)

Did you guys on a similar journey pick an overall goal weight or did you just push yourself to a healthy point that you feel comfortable? My weight loss mentor tells me he feels like 145-150 would be a healthy weight for me. That seems so unattainable at times, i'm ready for the challenge though!

motivation.

2011-03-15T07:37:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have probably been the toughest for me since I started back in October. Initially the weight FELL OFF literally. Now, its starting to slow down and that can be discouraging.

I read this blog today and it COMPLETELY changed my perspective. She is so right. Throughout this journey there will be upswings and downswings. What I have been experiencing the last two weeks have DEFINITELY been a downswing. I've been fighting myself every morning to get out of bed to run or hit the gym or really ANYTHING. I'm training now for my first 5K and it seems like EVERY SINGLE RUN gets slower and slower. I feel like I'm going backwards instead of progressing. BUT, after reading that blog I feel like it's almost a necessary part of this. The important thing is that when things get hard...I keep going. I can't keep telling myself that there are no results simply because I'm not seeing a massive weight loss like I did at first. I just have to keep going.

With that said, I'm going to keep pushing on. I'm going to try to revamp the diet a little. Try cooking more and new types of workout. I'm going to hold on for the upswing.

weigh in.

2011-03-11T08:28:00.000-08:00

I've been a bad blogger this week. It's been such a BUSY WEEK. I feel exhausted and I'm so glad it's Friday.

This week has been one of the most trying weeks since I started my lifestyle change back in October. I felt gross and blah all week. I still do. But I have to just keep pushing on.

This week has made me think about a lot of things. A young man who I went to school with lost his life in a horrible car accident this week. This has been the 6th person, recently, from my school who has passed away. Four of whom I graduated with. I'm only 23 and most days I feel invincible. I feel like i'm TOO young for anything really horrible to happen. But, that's just not true. I'm sure John woke up with his whole day planned out, and in the blink of an eye...he was gone. I pray that the Lord will provide comfort in such a horrible situation.

I want to live everyday to the fullest. I want to LAUGH. Really laugh! The kind of laughing that you can't control. I want to have GREAT friends and be a great friend. I want to be selfless. I want to give more than I take. I want to love with my whole heart. I want to get angry less. I want to forgive. I want to be happy. I want to make my life better by reaching goals. I want to succeed. I want to dye my hair. I want to go on adventures. I want to stay up late with friends. I want to dance. I want to write more. I want to believe in myself. I want to believe that I can accomplish the biggest goal in my life, which is getting something published. I want to ENJOY every second I have. I want to serve God so I can see him one day.

I want to make my life the best it can possibly be. And to me a HUGE part of that is this lifestyle change I'm on now.

Thanks for reading this ramble. Have a wonderful weekend. I'm spending the weekend with my best friend who is moving an hour away. She scored an amazing loft in downtown LR. I'm ready for a nice weekend of fun.

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Last Week's Weight: 198.6
Today's Weight 3/11/11: 195.6
Weekly Loss: 3 pounds
Total Weight Loss(so far): 59.4

bad food bad mood.

2011-03-08T12:11:00.000-08:00

I know that eating healthy FOREVER is going to be hard. I've been to the place where I lost a great deal of weight, but because of how unrealistic I was it didn't take very long to pile back on. So this time around, I'm determined to make this a forever kinda thing and to be completely real with the way I feel. And the way I feel right now is...blah.

I'm sitting slightly under 200 pounds at almost a 60 pound loss. I should be very very happy about my progress. But days like today makes me miserable. I'm tired of being so obsessed about every single bite that goes into my mouth. I'm tired of feeling horrible if I eat a bite more than I think I should. I'm tired of worrying about going on with friends because "what if they want to go eat." blah blah blah. I know this is just like anything else and I have to figure out a different way to approach it all, but it's hard sometimes. Today for lunch I had tuna, which is not out of the norm for me, but I ALSO added some kettle cooked chips that were laying on the counter. I have been literally thinking about it non-stop since lunch. I keep beating myself up for eating A.) chips of any sort and B.) too many. Am I crazy? Has anyone else been through this with weight loss?

Bottom line is this. I hate the ups and downs that come with weight loss. Some days I'm so excited and other days I'm just SICK OF worrying about everything I eat. Not to mention, I miss food. I miss ice cream. I miss starbucks. Missing it doesn't mean I'm going to get in my car now and drive to starbucks and binge on muffins and frappachinos. I don't even know what it means.

weigh in

2011-03-04T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the day. It's Friday. I'm so incredibly glad to see the weekend. It's been such a stressful week and I'm glad to see it end.

I told a little bit a few days ago, but I've started a running clinic that is suppose to have us in 5K shape by May 7th. I'm very excited, but so nervous. Right now that goal seems unattainable, but I'm going to give it my best.

In all the stress this week, I found a bright point. I am, for the first time in three years, under 200 pounds. I'm so excited. I have been telling myself since I started this journey that when I hit that goal I would reward myself with some cute workout clothes. SO, I did just that. I spent way too much money, but I'll be cute when I run at least:) thank the Lord for the little things in life.

This weekend I have tons of homework and papers, but I am going to try and find time and relax. I hope all you guys have a fantastic weekend!

Starting Weight 10/30/10: 255.0
Today's Weight 3/4/11: 198.6
Total Weight Loss(so far): 56.4

change.

2011-03-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

** sorry about the photo dates being out of order. I accidentally put the wrong photos up, but by the time I realized it already had comments so I didn't bother to change it!

Today I was hit with one of those "man, I'm blessed" kinda moments. I really am so blessed. This weight loss journey has impacted my life so much. It's made me appreciate things more in a weird way that I really can't explain.

Weight loss has transformed by life. It's not a DIET, but it's the way I plan on living everyday until I die. Because of the change in my weight, the way I eat, and other areas of my life, I have started to reexamine just about everything. Make priorities, goals, etc. I read something today and I figured I would share it with you all and it could suffice as my "blog" for day. Read it....:)

Imagine this:

You're on an airplane, sleeping with your head against the window, your heart set on being home this time three hours from now. All of a sudden, something goes very wrong. The plane stops moving across the air and instead starts falling through it. The lights are flickering and the movie is skipping. The plane dips hundreds of feet in seconds, and the yellow cups fall from the ceiling. They're a brighter shade of yellow than you remember, because unlike the demonstration, these cups have never been handled before. "Flight attendants take your seats now", you hear, the pilot's voice trembling over a cacophony of alert tones. You get that smell in the bridge of your nose like you've just been hit with a football. That's what the fear smells like. The plane is going down.

Four more drastic drops in under a minute. People are crying. For all the folklore about how your life flashes before your eyes, you're remarkably fixed on one vision - your parents. They're sleeping at this very moment, in a bedroom so quiet they can hear the clock in the kitchen. And you can see them, clear as can be. You wish you could see a playground or a first kiss, but all you can see is your parents sleeping. Huh. Well, that's that.

Several long minutes go by. Then, all at once, the lights come back on and the plane somehow rights itself. Some people cheer, but most people cry harder. The plane lands about an hour later, and as soon as you feel that touch down - hell, even when you were within 50 feet of the ground and could still technically survive a fall - you realize that however you brokered the deal between you and God worked; you've just been granted life in overtime.

Here's the question: what do you change? Whom do you call that you haven't spoken to in years? Whom do you realize has been toxic to your heart and drop with surprising ease? What trips do you cancel, and what trips do you book? What can't you be bothered with anymore? What's the new you like?

Think about that, and then ask one more question. Why not just change it all right now?

progress photos

2011-03-02T14:05:00.000-08:00

I've such a crazy stressful week! But the worst of it is over and I can't wait to see what the rest of the week has in store.

Tonight I start a running clinic. I would absolutely LOVE to run a 5k. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions to give me? I'm hoping this clinic helps out.

I find it hard to see results on my own body..so I started taking pictures of certain areas such as my stomach and legs once a month or so to see if I notice results.

I've also decided to post my weight on here every Friday. A lot of people think it's horrible to weigh more than once a week...but I weigh everyday. I know to most that can be really discouraging, but it keeps me accountable and even if i'm up a pound or so I try not to freak out. ANYWAYS, as far as posting weight...that will be on Friday.

I'm not proud of these pictures I'm about to post. They, to me, are embarrassing. But I want to do this as a form of accountability!

Also...the pic labeled 1.1.11 is really suppose to be 1.11.11. Sorry!

Please ignore the gross mirror and messy bathroom:)

my big fat life story

2011-02-27T18:50:00.000-08:00

I got the bright idea a couple of months ago to do a "weight loss" blog. I have been reading blogs for a while and absolutely loved the fact that there are so many brave people out there willing to bare it all in hopes of motivation, encouragement, and a better life when it comes to weight loss. When I started my weight loss journey about 5 months ago I wish I would have thought to do this. BUT here I am now....ready...to blog....about...losing weight. Even though I have no clue what that even means..in fact I just asked my friend, who decided to take this blogging journey with me, "how do you even start a weight loss blog"....she is clueless too. But here goes....

I've always been overweight, but I think I was one of those people who was in denial. As I got older I knew was VERY UNHAPPY with my body, but I did absolutely nothing to fix this problem. I let my weight hold me back from so much in life. I cheered competitively when I was younger and always figured that would be my ticket to college, but then the weight kept packing on...and I did nothing to fix it. I let my weight hold me back from cheering and SO much more throughout my time in junior high and high school. Eventually I headed off to college though. I lived on my own for the first time with my best friend and I decided for the FIRST time in my life...I was going to get healthy. My "getting healthy" really meant barely eating and exercising EXCESSIVELY. I was miserable, but I saw results so I kept it up. I lost 60 pounds in a matter of months and I felt AMAZING about the way I looked. A whole new world opened up for me. I was CONFIDENT and because of that confidence I started going out more, made more friends, starting going to parties, and I loved every bit of it. Somewhere along the way I met the guy of my dreams and as we started dating I started working out less(which was probably a good thing) and eating whatever he ate, eating out everyday etc. Although everything I was doing to lose weight was unhealthy...I just completely quit trying to get healthy at all. Fast forward.... I started college at around 170 pounds and walked across the stage to receive my diploma almost 100 pounds heavier....the biggest I have been in my life.

I knew I was gaining weight, but I was still in denial mode. I just didn't want to let myself believe I had put on so much weight. I hated myself, I hated looking in the mirror, I had no self esteem, I just hated everything about my life. I would get negative comments from my family all the time..."Ashley wow...we saw a picture of you from a few years ago and we could hardly tell it was you!" Just mean, snide, and snarky comments that hurt. I would beat myself up all the time about the size I USE TO BE and how I met the love of my life THEN and constantly ask myself why would he want to be with me NOW...the FAT Ashley! Just about everything I could do to put myself down I did. Still, I did nothing to change my lifestyle or circumstance.

Finally one day I ended up in the ER from an injury I received after tripping and falling down some stairs. At the ER I was weighed for the first time in 3 years and I was absolutely SHOCKED to find out I weighed 255 pounds. It made me sick to ACTUALLY SEE what I had done to myself. I knew, at that moment, that everything in my life needed to change. It was the first time in my life that I had admitted to myself that I HAD A WEIGHT PROBLEM. I didn't just need to lose weight to LOOK BETTER...I needed to lose weight for my HEALTH. Once I admitted all this to myself...everything changed. That was in October of 2010.

I began my weight loss journey around the 30th of October and here I am close to March. I'm proud to say I have lost almost 53 pounds. I'm doing it the HEALTHY way. I work out, I eat good and clean 100% of the time...and I'm LOVING LIFE. BUT.....I still have a long way to go. I am still considered overweight...probably obese even. But I am doing what it takes to get there.

That's where I want this blog to come in....I want a way of holding myself accountable. I want to put myself out there...pictures, videos, anything I need to do to ensure myself that I get there. I have never done something like this....but I'm ready to do what I've seen so many of you brave people do.

So, I can't really say what this blog thereisnofinishline will evolve into. I can't say that I'm going to be the best, the most funny, or provide any insight at all when it comes to weight loss....but I will promise to be 100% honest at all times about my weight loss. I will post my weight accurately every time....even if it doesn't show progress and I will update frequently with pictures! I also pledge to use 2fivefive as a tool to NEVER EVER see that number on the scale again. It may not be much...but I'm here in hopes of sharing something that has impacted my life in a HUGE way and something I am committing myself to for the rest of my life! For me...there is no finish line. This is just the beginning of something that will have to be a part of my life forever.